American Newspeak

Empire As A Lifestyle

O ur prize quote comes from former Newsweek editor Michael Hirsch in the November issue of Foreign Affairs . “U.S. Allies must accept that some U.S. unilateralism is inevitable, even desireable. This mainly involves accepting the reality of Americas supreme might—and truthfully, appreciating how historically lucky they are to be protected by such a relatively benign power.” This raises some issues of ettiquete for those under our benign protection. When a foreign official calls our President a moron, as did Canada’s Franoise Ducros, firing them from their post is overdoing it. I should think a little caning would be sufficient.

Alexander Cockburn, 11/21/02

The System Works

T he creation of a Homeland Security Department and recent court rulings easing restrictions on surveillance has Civil Liberties groups all flustered. What they forget is the government has safeguards to see that domestic spying doesn’t get out of hand. Yes, there is an official spy court that reviews all applications. For example, last year the Surveillance Court of Review received 935 applications for wiretaps and approved 934, which leaves one they rejected. That’s a much better record  than the old KGB in Russia.

AP, 11/20/02

Bomb Sites

A National Geographic survey found that only 13 percent of Americans between the ages of 18 and 24 could identify Iraq on a map. The good news, after a year-long war in Afganistan, a whopping 17 percent of young people could identitfy that country. Even better, a much larger number were able to identify the Marquesa Islands, of all places. Apparently they’d been featured on the TV show the “Survivors,” which points to the obvious solution to our nations educational problems.

Chicago Tribune , 11/21/02

Logo Nation

A company called Government Acquisitions LLC in Charlotte, North Carolina, has been selling advertising space on police cars. So far 20 towns have signed up for the service. Lots of people are making fun of the idea, imagining Victoria Secret or Viagra ads on police cars. Personally I like the idea. Can’t you just picture police in the future stopping you and announcing, Hi, your speeding ticket is brought to you by Nike, the leader in sportswear.

AP, 11/20/02

Yuppie Anxiety

A ffluent, upwardly mobile parents are struggling to get their children into the right preschools, seen as feeders to elite kindergartens. Competition is so fierce for the few openings in New York city’s trendy preschools that they now admit only 1 out of every 15 applicants. Fortunately there is a very fair selection process. Said spokesperson Alix Friedman of the prestigious 92nd Street Y Preschool, “Every single child goes through the same careful, thoughtful admissions process.” That thoughtfulness is encouraged by an additional $20,000 donation.

WP, 11/16/02

United Cornflakes

H ow far has advertising penetrated our political thought? Recently the European Union has been looking at possible new names, including “the United States of Europe.” Valry Giscard d’Estaing, the former president of France, announced that “we need a name, which gets across our brand.” It’s a relief to know European politicians are beginning to grasp the nuances of American political thought.

Harpers , 11/06/02