Bootilicious!

—Signed, When will it stop? 

Dear When, 

H uh? I fell asleep while reading your letter. When will it stop? When everyone realizes that gals in sports are a joke, plus annoying to men. Except, say, gal’s beach volleyball where  tanned, half-nude gals bounce and tumble around in the sand. Or if they make posing for the swimsuit issue a sport. Yowsa. Also acceptable would be any sport where we see enough gals’ cleavages and crotches to make watching gals sweat and compete bearable. 

As to Don Imus. We are sickened by his firing. He is a wonderful man, named one of the 25 Most Influential People in America by Time Magazine and a member of the National Broadcasters Hall of Fame. We read about his ranch were he helps sick children in Architectural Digest. We’re glad his Radiothon raised $1.3 million for charity (and received many messages of support). Besides, he was telling it like it is.  

Dear Hotel Satire, 

R ecently, kidnapping and sexual offense charges against three members of the Duke Lacrosse team—Collin Finnerty (previously charged with assaulting a man and shouting anti-gay epithets), Reade Seligmann, and David Evans—were dropped for lack of evidence and contradictory testimony from the “accuser,” now named as Crystal Gail Mangum. 

Mangum was working as an escort and stripper when she claimed three Lacrosse team members beat, strangled, and sexually assaulted her at a bachelor party. The case became one of he said/she said, plus politicking by the local DA, plus not much evidence of assault. Magnum, an African American, had served in the U.S. Navy, was a single mother, and a student at North Carolina Central University. 

What has been ignored in all this is the uncontested fact that an email was sent from lacrosse player Ryan McFadyen (not accused of anything), which discussed hiring strippers and “killing the bitches”; that Mangum and another female “performer” were hired to perform at a bachelor party for five men at an off-campus house rented by the lacrosse team and owned by Duke University; and that nasty things happened . 

Clearly, sports talk shows and news media in general could have used this case to comment on how male sports stars—high school, college, and professional—expect to be “serviced” by women at “parties,” often arranged by their team or with the implied consent of their institutions and leagues. Media pundits could have looked into the sexist and racist dynamics of college and professional sports teams; or the boys club atmosphere that condones mis- ogyny. 

Instead, the lesson from this case will probably be that gals are drug- ged “hos” who falsely accuse "fine” young men, thereby ruining their careers. It will undoubtedly continue to prevent women who have really been assaulted to speak up. 

—Signed, Missed the Boat 

Dear Missed the Boat, 

T he only boat you missed is the one where gals service men, if you catch my drift. 

Dear Hotel Satire, 

I was angered by the media excitement generated by the nomination of Jennifer Hudson for an Academy Award (which she won for Dream- girls). The “buzz” was not so much about her talent, but her size! A headline in USA Today read, “Stars carry curves with confidence.” Writes Donna Freydkin, “It’s a reality-show reject from Chicago [she lost on “American Idol”] who proud- ly wears a size 12 [most Hollywood actresses fit into size 0-2; while the average woman in the U.S. weighs 164.3 pounds] and flaunts her ample curves…. Tyra Banks, who marked the tenth anniversary of her iconic Sports Illustrated swimsuit cover by reshooting it 20 pounds heavier, concurs. ‘Beyonce, myself, all women who have curves are embracing our curves, and that needs to continue. I thank the Lord for Jennifer Hudson and the attention and coverage she’s getting. She’s curvy and beautiful’.... And she’s grinning on the March cover of fashion bible Vogue, while bootylicious Beyonce sizzles on the front of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue.” 

So we’re supposed to praise Hollywood  and the fashion industry for for their sexist appreciation of women who wear a size 12 (most of the women mentioned in the article were black, a rare media occurence), as if this is an advance for women to be sexually objectified on the cover of Vogue without starving to death? Can’t anyone talk about the sexism/racism of entire industries that care more about women’s looks and weight than anything else; that demand women wear three inch heels and show cleavage in almost every role they play? 

—Signed, Am I nuts or what? 

Dear Nuts, 

Y es. Any gal who is not booty- licious and sizzling is annoying to men and therefore nuts. 

Z 

Lydia Sargent is on the staff of Z.