Volume , Number 0
There are no articles.Commentary
There are no articles.Culture
There are no articles.Features
Donald & Saddam
Brazilian Butt Fill
E. Wayne Ross
Mark t. Harris
Huibin amee Chew
Gay & Lesbian Community Notes
There are no articles.
NOTE: Z Magazine subscribers and sustainers have access to all Z Magazine articles here and in the archive. The latest Z Magazine articles available to everyone are listed in the Free Articles box at the top of the table of contents, and are starred in the list below. Questions? e-mail Z Magazine Online.
Brazilian Butt Fill
W elcome to Hotel Satire where gals come to learn how to be the pretty little things they were ordained by God to be (we don’t know how exactly, but men have told us so—and they are in close touch with Him on a daily basis).
We have been noticing lately that gals’ health is a big concern. We’re not sure why, since gals outlive men by seven years or so, but no matter. At first, we admit, all the articles and ads about products to help gals’ improve their health seemed to be an excuse for showing “gorgeous” nude fashion model types (who clearly have no need for the services being offered) on the “Six O’Clock News,” Discovery Channel, Time, and Business Week, among other media outlets . We also noticed that a lot of the so-called health news for gals was about plastic/cosmetic surgery, in particular, rearranging our breasts and vaginas. We’re not sure why these help gals live longer, healthier lives, but what the heck.
The extensive media coverage of the health and beauty benefits of plastic surgery prompted us to take a fresh look at our own Hotel Satire program for turning gals into pretty little things, which includes: (1) getting a man to provide and protect us from....other men (if this sounds a little stupid, that’s because it is); (2) getting a complete makeover so we can resemble as closely as possible either Cinderella or Marilyn Monroe or both (when we’re under 40) and one of the gals on “Desperate Housewives” (when we’re over 40).
What more, you ask, could possibly be requiredalerosity—beyond the above important points? Well, let’s face it, we need more than a new lipstick, skin cream, and hair color to break the current feminazi stranglehold on gals, we need surgery. Yes, we need, among other things, a Brazilian Butt Fill, with state of the art fat grafting!!!
At the Hotel Satire Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery wing, we’ve got a fully equipped surgicenter for performing the reconstruction that you need to be the gal your man wants you to be. Yes, we can exfoliate, microdermabrase, and peel. We can firm, optimize, smooth, reduce, and contour. We can remove, relocate, redo, and rejuvenate. We can lipo, rhino, and grafto. We can tissue tighten, face lift, tummy tuck, breast reduce, and fat transfer. We can do all of these and more on any part of your body, including improving drooping eyelids, decaying vaginas, and crumbling hymens. You can go online and see pictures of the results! (Hey, we’re not making this up. You can actual focus your newly undrooped eyeballs on a newly renovated crotch!)
We call our program the Fitpack, inspired by Guitay’s Wellbox body optimizer (as advertised in New York magazine). Here’s a testimonial. “I knew I looked more like Marilyn Manson than Marilyn Monroe so I was really curious about your new Fitpack. But something kept holding me back [like an irrational fear of having your vagina cut open?]. So I talked to my doctor and she told me to try the Hotel Satire program on a limited basis, maybe start with Botoxing my frown lines and see how that went. After all, a few tiny injections can last up to four months!!! I talked with my friend Janey and she said that 80 percent of the treatments are moderate or better! She was in the 20 percent who didn’t benefit, so she still looked like she was frowning all the time, but no matter. Anyway, I decided to try it and liked the Botoxing so much, I got the works. Am I glad I did. My husband doesn’t even recognize my face—or my vagina. Thank you, Satire gals.”
Yes, Gals, we make your five week stay, with rejuvenating visits for years to come, as pleasant as possible. We even have psych consults. After all, you’re being cut, sucked, and injected. When you think of it, the process is kinda like Bush in Iraq—some invasive shock and awe, some surgical strikes, a continued presence of advisers and experts to repair and redo in a process of reconstruction and domination without end. We even have access to new body shortening techniques as used in Abu Ghraib torture chambers! We’ve also got embedded reporters to help write about (promote) this surgical invasion of gals as a health benefit.
And, like the U.S. invasion and occupation of Iraq, should there be resistance to Fitpack’s revolutionary reconstruction technology, then we administer a full lobotomy. Whoopie!
For all you pretty little things out there in need of improving you health (wink, wink), this month’s special is the Brazilian Butt Fill; only $500 per cheek. That’s half off the regular price!
Lydia Sargent is an actor, playwright, and co-founder of South End Press and Z. She is currently a member of the Z staff.
Z Magazine Archive
HUMAN RIGHTS - The U.S. Human Rights Network will celebrate its 10th anniversary with the Advancing Human Rights 2013 Conference, December 6-8, in Atlanta, GA.
Contact: 250 Georgia Avenue SE, Suite 330, Atlanta, GA 30312; firstname.lastname@example.org; http:// www.ushrnetwork.org/.
AFRICAN/SOCIALIST - The Sixth Congress of the African People’s Socialist Party USA will be held December 7-11, in St. Petersburg, FL.
Contact: 1245 18th Avenue South, St. Petersburg, FL 33705; 727- 821-6620; info@aps puhuru.org; http://asiuhuru.org/.
SCHOOLS - The Dignity in Schools Campaign (DSC) will host a workshop on the DSC “Model Code on Education and Dignity: Presenting A Human Rights Framework for Schools” at the Mid-Hudson Region NY State Leadership Summit on School Justice Partnerships, December 11 in White Plains, NY.
Contact: http://www.dignityin schools.org/.
ANARCHIST/BOOKFAIR - The Humboldt Anarchist Book Fair will be held December 14, in Eureka, CA.
Contact: humboldtgrassroots @riseup.net; http://humbold tanarchist bookfair.wordpress. com/.
CLIMATE - The World Symposium on Sustainable Development at Universities is hosting a follow-up event to the 2012 Rio de Janeiro symposium. The gathering will be held in Qatar on January 28-30, 2014.
Contact: http://environment.tufts. edu/.
LABOR - The United Association for Labor Education (UALE) will host Organizing for Power: A New Labor Movement for the New Working Class in Los Angeles, March 26-29. Proposals are due December 15.
Contact: LAWCHA, 226 Carr Building (East Campus), Box 90719, Duke University, Durham, NC 27708-0719;lawcha @duke. edu; http://lawcha.org/.
MEDIA FELLOWSHIP - The Media Mobilizing Project is seeking applicants for the first annual Movement Media Fellowship Program. The Fellow will work with MMP to produce the spring season of Media Mobilizing Project TV. MMPTV is a news and talk show that tells the stories of local communities organizing to win human rights and build a movement to end poverty.
Contact: 4233 Chestnut St., Philadelphia, PA 19104; 215-821- 9632; milena@media mobilizing.org; http://www.media mobilizing.org/.
RACE - The 7th Facing Race: A National Conference will be held in Dallas, TX November 13-15, 2014. Organizers, educators, artists, funders and everyone interested in racial equity is invited to exchange best practices and learn about innovative models and successful organizing initiatives. Proposals must be submitted by January 24, 2014.
Contact: Race Forward, 32 Broadway, Suite 1801, New York, NY 10004; 212-513-7925; media @raceforward.org; http://race forward.org/.
VETERANS - They Were Soldiers: How the Wounded Return from America’s Wars - The Untold Story, by Ann Jones, is about the journey of veterans from the moment of being wounded in rural Afghanistan to their return home.
Contact: Haymarket Books, PO Box 180165, Chicago, IL 60618; 773-583-7884; http://www.haymarketbooks.org/.
LIBYA - Destroying Libya and World Order: The Three-Decade U.S. Campaign to Terminate the Qaddafi Revolution, by Francis A. Boyle, is a history and critique of American foreign policy from Reagan to Obama.
Contact: Clarity Press, Inc., Ste. 469, 3277 Roswell Rd. NE, Atlanta, GE 30305; 404-647-6501; email@example.com; http://www. claritypress.com/.
CHILDREN - Fannie and Freddie by Becky Z. Dernbach is about two bumbling villains who gamble away the savings of the people of Homeville.
Contact: fannieandfreddiebook @gmail.com; http://fannieand freddie.org/.
PROTEST/COMIC - Fight the Power!: A Visual History of Protest Among English Speaking Peoples, by Sean Michael Wilson and Benjamin Dickson is a graphic narrative that explains how people have fought against oppression.
Contact: Seven Stories Press, 140 Watts Street, New York, NY 10013; 212-226-8760; info@ sevenstories.com; http://www. sevenstories.com.
CHILDREN - Brave Girl by Michelle Markel and illustrated by Melissa Sweet is the true story of Clara Lemlich, a young Ukrainian immigrant who led the largest strike of women workers in U.S. history.
Contact: http://www.harpercollins childrens.com/Kids/.
FESTIVAL - The 2014 Queer Women of Color Film Festival will be held June 13-15 in San Francisco. The festival is currently accepting submissions until December 31.
Contact: QWOCMAP, 59 Cook Street, San Francisco, CA 94118-3310; 415-752-0868; firstname.lastname@example.org; http://www.qwocmap.org/.
IRAQ/REFUGEES - Ten years after the U.S.-led war in Iraq, thousands of displaced Iraqi refugees are still facing a crisis in the United States. The Lost Dream follows Nazar and Salam who had to flee Iraq in order to avoid threats by Al- Qaeda-affiliated groups and Iraqi insurgents that consider them “traitors” for supporting U.S. forces in Operation Iraqi Freedom.
Contact: Typecast Films, 888- 591-3456; info@type castfilms. com; http://type castfilms.com/.
HUMAN RIGHTS - Lyrical Revolt! III will be held December 4 in Syracuse, NY. The event will feature hip-hop musician Anhel whose album Young, Gifted, and Brown was just released. The event is sponsored by ANSWER Syracuse, Liberation News, and SyracuseHip Hop.com. Performers and artists are encouraged to send submissions.
Contact: email@example.com; http://www.answercoalition.org/syracuse/.
FOLK - Musician Painless Parker has released his album Music for miscreants, malcontents and misanthropes featuring “Fuck Yeah, the Working Class.”
Contact: firstname.lastname@example.org; http://painlessparkermusic.com/.
COMEDY - Political comedian Lee Camp’s new album Pepper Spray the Tears Away has been released.