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When War Crimes Are Impossible
Bruce E. Levine
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Eleanor J. Bader
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Chick Lit & Rent for Sex
W elcome to Hotel Satire where gals come to learn how to most closely resemble livestock. This month we decided to answer a few letters from gals out there who seem completely unaware of their livestock resemblance, as well as everything else about their God-given roles in the world.
Dear Hotel Satire Gals (HSG),
I read a shocking article in the April 5 Boston Globe titled “Online ads offer rooms in return for sex” by Dan Goodin. The article appears, interestingly, squeezed in next to a Macy’s ad for menswear, so you can guess who’s placing the rent for sex ads. Anyway, it seems that there are more than eight million ads per month on this popular website. In Atlanta a room is offered in exchange for “sex and light office duty.” In Los Angeles a “one-bedroom pool house” is offered free to a “girl that is skilled and willing.” In New York City a $700 a month room is available at a discount to a “fit female willing to provide sex.” Another seeks a “female that likes to be nude. Nothing more expected.” A man offering a $350-a-month room in the San Francisco area advertized thusly: “I usually rent the room for 600, but if you are really ticklish and willing to trade being tickled for the extra rent, then we have a deal.”
Don’t you find this outrageous? Did everybody miss the women’s movement?
Regarding your question about missing the gal’s lib movement: yes, thankfully, most men certainly missed it and they’re the ones that count. As to the ads: sex outside marriage is ungodly. Need we remind you (and the eight million classified advertisers) that marriage is a beautiful institution that permits guys to get sex, light housekeeping, and occasional office duties on demand in exchange for which gals get to be what God intended: i.e., domestic appendages whose purpose is to service men. If these ads had offered rent in exchange for sex, housekeeping duties, with an “option to marry,” then no problem.
I read in the New York Times Book Review of March 19 about a new book, Manliness, by Harvard professor of government, Harvey C. Mansfield, who writes such pithy sentences as, “Though it’s clear that women can be manly, it’s just as clear that they are not as manly or as often manly as men.” Huh!? This guy teaches—and at Harvard?
Reviewer Walter Kirn quotes Mansfield writing such things as “male and female are innately different” and “Our science rather clumsily confirms the stereotype about manliness….” and feminists “stole all their ideas from Marx [economics] and Nietzsche [nihilism].” Wha?
Mansfield ends by saying, “So, weaker than men, women have to be indirect to get what they want, they simply can’t insist.”
Reviewer Kirn tells us, “After making what he believes to be a meal of all these clucking hens that think they’re roosters, Mansfield wipes up the grease by going back to Aristotle and something called ‘philosophical courage,’ which is held out as the manliest manliness yet.”
Is there no end to the continuous not-so-thinly-veiled misogyny that argues for a gender hierarchy of character traits where women are to shut up and stay in their male-assigned places?
Signed, Enough Already
Yes, this guy’s for real and it’s a beautiful book and
surely no one is more of an expert on manliness than a Harvard professor
of government. We concur with Mansfield when he addresses gals’
attempts to be independent, saying, “becoming manlike is a
strange way of proving you are independent of men (ladylike would
seem to be a better way)” and “men are a mixture of pluck
Also, we admire a man who makes his case for men being men and gals being, well, not men by using lots of literary references— Homer and Kipling, for instance—to prove his scientific point. If we could return to Homer’s ever so manly 8th century BC or even Kipling’s 19th, when gals were basically ladylike (i.e., property), everything would be okay.
I recently watched Brokeback Mountain on DVD as I missed it when it played in our local movie theater. All I have to say is, “What the f___?” And I mean that literally. These guys fall in love with each other after a few months of fishing, camping, herding sheep, and exchanging simple sentences? I don't buy it. Subsequently, they both get married and their wives take care of the home, the shopping, the cooking, the cleaning, their husbands, the children, and have jobs to boot. In return they get morose husbands who hardly say more than two words to them. And yet these guys are miserable and unfulfilled, presumably because they only get to go camping and fishing with each other once a year? Is this a joke?
It’s the women who should be complaining, for chrissakes. Is the Brokeback in the title a sly reference to the misogyny that underlies this filmic crap? When will Hollywood make a movie where women are depicted realistically and of equal importance rather than subsumed and where guys actually behave like human beings, i.e., like women? Then maybe there will be some decent love stories told, same-sex or otherwise.
The answer to your question about Hollywood is “Never!” By the way we saw Brokeback Mountain . We enjoyed the horseback riding and sheep herding, but closed our eyes during certain parts, if you catch our drift. The reason we tolerated the same-sex disgustingness is because this film’s message is a good one. It’s not about love, as the director claims, it’s about how today’s gals are driving men crazy and if they don’t stop it, then their men are going to do unspeakable things in a tent in order to teach you gals a lesson.
I was reading a review in the March 19 Times Sunday Review of Books titled “Chick-Lit Pandemic.” It’s about a collection of essays called Chick Lit . By the way, an example of chick lit is Bridget Jones ’s Diary , which the review describes as being about a woman who is “endearing, hung over, and running late for work.” Co-editor Mallory Young writes that in countries “where feminism hasn’t fully taken root, chick lit might be offering the feminist joys of freedom and the post-feminist joys of consumerism simultaneously.” Excuse me? If feminism hasn't taken root, how can they enjoy post-feminism? And doesn’t it seem a bit bizarre to be using the words chick lit and feminism in the same sentence? Especially when writing about a genre where the goal for gals is (to be thin enough and beautiful enough) to find the right man? Jeez, at least the 1950s Cherry Ames, Student Nurse series—for all her perky curls and pretty frocks—was about her being a student nurse, not her search for a husband. And why is chick lit a pandemic????????
Signed, Not a Farm Animal
Dear Pinko Terrorist,
Are you the same person who wrote to us about the March 19 article on manliness? If so, please stop reading the Sunday Times , it’s too liberal and feminist.
Moving on, the lesson here is that whatever words you use in reference to gals make sure they are derogatory and belittling. Also, remember that all things feminine are, in themselves, derogatory when used as adjectives in reference to all things manly .
At Hotel Satire, we make sure to equate gals with domestic livestock on a daily basis. Fresh and dried fruits and vegetables are also good gal reference terms (tomatoes, peaches), as are baked goods (cream puff, honey bun, cookie). Lately, inspired by Homer’s use of epithets (swift-footed, rosy-fingered), we are prefacing our references to gals when they read as chickie-litted and to gals when the go to the movies as chickieflicked and gals when they bathe or go swimming as chickie-dipped and gals when they are being ladylike as chickie-zipped.
Lydia Sargent is an actor and playwright. She co-founded Z Magazine and has been on the staff once 1988
Z Magazine Archive
AnnouncementsLABOR - May 1 is May Day. Workers of the world will celebrate the 124th anniversary of International Worker’s Day. Born out of a call for an 8-hour workday in the United States, this day is an opportunity for all workers to show their solidarity with one another, as well as to renew the call for labor rights.
FARM CONFERENCE - The Farm Conference on Community and Sustainability will be held May 24-26 in Summertown, TN, in partnership with the Fellowship of Intentional Communities. Tour green homes, see sustainable food production, learn about solar installations, alternative education, midwifery, and more.
Contact: Douglas@thefarmcommunity.com; http://www.thefarmcommunity.com/.
PALESTINE - The Conference of the Palestinian Shatat in North American will be held June 3-5 in Vancouver. The conference will examine the future of the Palestinian liberation movement.
Contact: firstname.lastname@example.org; http://www.palestinianconference.org/.
LABOR - The Pacific Northwest Labor History Association’s 45th annual conference will be held May 3-5, in Portland, OR. This year’s theme is Labor Under Attack: Learning from the Past and Preparing for the Future. A call for presentations, workshops and papers is currently underway.
Contact: PNLHA, 27920 68th Ave. East, Graham, WA 98338; 206-406-2604; PNLHA1@aol.com; http://www3.telus.net.
MARIJUANA - On the first Saturday of May marijuana legalization activists will hold informational and educational events, rallies and marches in over 300 cities around the world.
ECONOMICS - The Union For Radical Political Economics will hold its 39th annual conference May 9-11 in New York City.
RECLAIM THE DREAM - The 2013 Poor People’s Campaign & March from Baltimore to Washington D.C. will be May 11. Communities, schools and unions interested in participating are encouraged to contact the Baltimore People’s Assembly.
Contact: 410-500-2168; 410-218-4835; BaltimorePeoplesAssembly@gmail.com; Southern Christian Leadership Conference of Baltimore and the Baltimore Peoples Power Assembly, 2011 N. Charles St., Baltimore, MD 21218.
MOTHER’S DAY - The 17th Annual Mother’s Day Walk For Peace will be May 12th, in Dorchester, MA. The walk began in 1996 for families who had lost children to violence. The day has become a way for thousands of people to financially support the work of the Louis Brown Peace Institute.
Contact: http://www.ldbpeaceinstitute.org/; http://mothersdaywalk4peace.org/.
NATO 5 - An International Week of Solidarity with the NATO 5 has been called for May 16-21. Supports call on supporters to raise awareness of the NATO 5 and support funds for the defendants on the one-year anniversary of their preemptive arrests.
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MOUNTAINTOP - The 2013 Mountain Justice Summer Activist Training Camp will be held May 19-27 in Damascus, VA. It will be a week of workshops, field trips to view Mountain Top Removal coal mines, direct actions, and service project.
FEMINIST SCI-FI - The feminist science fiction convention WisCon 37 is scheduled for May 24-27 in Madison, WI.
Contact: WisCon, ? SF3, PO Box 1624, Madison, WI 53701; firstname.lastname@example.org; http://www.wiscon.info/.
ANARCHY FEST - A month-long Festival of Anarchy is scheduled for May in Montreal. The festival includes The Montreal Anarchist Bookfair (May 19-20).
Contact: http://www.anarchistbookfair.ca/; http://www.radicalmontreal.com/.
LABOR - The International Labor Rights Forum will present: Down the Supply Chain, Driving Corporate Accountability, on May 22 in Washington, DC. The Labor Rights Awards Ceremony and Reception will honor pioneers in supply chain worker organizing, working solidarity and international labor rights policy.
MULTICULTURE - The 26th annual National Conference on Race & Ethnicity in American Higher Education (NCORE) will take place May 28-June 1, in New Orleans.
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MEDIA - The 2013 Alliance for Community Media Annual Conference will be held May 29-31, in San Francisco, CA. Participants will include educators, community leaders, media professionals, journalists, nonprofit leaders, policymakers and students.
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BRADLEY MANNING - On June 1, a rally will be held at Fort Meade in support of Bradley Manning.
BIKES - Bikes Not Bombs is holding its 24th annual Bike-A-Thon and Green Roots Festival in Boston, MA on June 3, with several bike rides scheduled, music, exhibitors and more.
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LEFT FORUM - The 2013 Left Forum will be held June 7-9, at Pace University in New York City.
Contact: 365 Fifth Avenue, CUNY Graduated Center, ? Sociology Dept., New York, NY 10016; http://www.leftforum.org/.
VEGAN FEST - Mad City Vegan Fest will be held in Madison, WI, June 8. The annual event features food, speakers, and exhibitors.
Contact: 122 State Street, Suite 405 B, Madison, WI 53701; firstname.lastname@example.org; http://veganfest.org/.
ADC CONFERENCE - The American-Arab Anti-Discrimination Committee (ADC) holds its annual conference June 13-16, in Washington, DC, with panel discussions and workshops on civil rights, media and other topics.
Contact: 1990 M Street, Suite 610, Washington, DC, 20036; 202-244-2990; email@example.com http://convention.adc.org/.
CUBA/SOCIALISM - A Cuban-North American Dialog on Socialist Renewal and Global Capitalist Crisis will be held in Havana, Cuba, June 16-30. There will be a 5 day Seminar at University of Havana, plus visits to a cooperative, urban garden, community development project, social research centers, and educational & medical institutions.
Contact: firstname.lastname@example.org; http://www.globaljusticecenter.org/.
NETROOTS - The 8th Annual Netroots Nation conference will take place June 20-23 in San Jose, CA. The event features panels, trainings, networking, screenings, and keynotes.
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MEDIA - The 15th annual Allied Media Conference will be held June 20-23, in Detroit.
Contact: 4126 Third Street, Detroit, MI 48201; http://alliedmedia.org/.
GRASSROOTS - The United We Stand Festival will be hosted by Free & Equal, June 22 in Little Rock, Arkansas. The festival aims to reform the electoral process throughout the U.S.
SOCIALISM - The Socialism 2013 Conference is scheduled for June 27-30 in Chicago, featuring talks and panel discussions.
Contact: firstname.lastname@example.org; http://www.socialismconference.org.
LITERACY - The National Association for Media Literacy Education (NAMLE) will hold its conference July 12-13 in Los Angeles under the heading, Intersections: Teaching and Learning Across Media.
Contact: 10 Laurel Hill Drive, Cherry Hill, NJ 08003; http://namle.net/conference/.
IWW - The North American Work People’s College will take place July 12-16 at Mesaba Co-op Park in northern Minnesota. The event will bring together Wobblies from branches across the continent to learn new skills and build One Big Union.
PEACESTOCK - On July 13th, the 11th Annual Peacestock: A Gathering for Peace, will take place at Windbeam Farm in Hager City, WI. The event is a mixture of music, speakers and community for peace. Sponsored by Veterans for Peace.
Contact: Bill Habedank, 1913 Grandview Ave., Red Wing, MN 55066; 651-388-7733; email@example.com; http://www.peacestockvfp.org.
CHILDREN’S DEFENSE - July 15-19, join clergy, seminarians, Christian educators, young adult leaders and other faith-based advocates for children at CDF Haley Farm in Clinton, Tennessee, for five days of spiritual renewal, networking, movement building workshops, and continuing education about the urgent needs of children at the 19th annual Proctor Institute for Child Advocacy Ministry.
Contact: firstname.lastname@example.org; http://www.childrensdefense.org.
ACTIVIST CAMP - Youth Empowered Action (YEA) Camp will have sessions in July and August in Ben Lomond, CA; Portland, OR; Charlton, MA. YEA Camp is designed for activists 12-17 years old who want to make a difference in the world.
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LA RAZA - The annual National Council of La Raza (NCLR) Conference is scheduled for July 18-19 in New Orleans, with workshops, presentations and panel discussions.
Contact: NCLR Headquarters Office, Raul Yzaguirre Building, 1126 16th Street, NW, Washington, DC 20036; 202-785-1670; www.nclr.org.
LABOR - The Eastern Conference For Workplace Democracy: Growing Our Cooperatives, Growing Our Communities, will be held at Drexel University in Philadelphia, PA, July 26-28.
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WOMEN/LYNNE STEWART- Radical Women is asking for support letters and cards to be sent to Lynne Stewart. Stewart is a civil rights attorney and political prisoner who is currently in jail. She has breast cancer and authorities have denied her request for transfer from her Texas prison to the New York City hospital where she received medical attention during a prior bout of breast cancer. Send messages and cards to: Lynne Stewart 53504-054, Federal Medical Center Carswell, P.O. Box 27137, Fort Worth, TX 76127.
Contact: 747 Polk Street, San Francisco, CA 94109; 415-864-1278; RadicalWomenUS@gmail.com; http://lynnestewart.org/; http://www.radicalwomen.org/.
HAITI/WOMEN - Haiti’s government is considering a legal reform measure that would prohibit and punish all sexual assault, including marital rape. MADRE and the International Campaign to Stop Rape & Gender Violence in Conflict are launching a petition to raise international support for this push to address violence against women in Haiti.
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SYRIA/MIDDLE EAST - The Middle East Children’s Alliance (MECA) is currently seeking funds to assist more than 200,000 refugees fleeing violence in Syria.
FOLK FESTIVAL - The Falcon Ridge Folk Festival will be held August 2-4, in the Berkshires, NY.
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WAR RESISTERS - The War Resisters League will hold its 90th anniversary conference, Revolutionary Nonviolence: Building Bridges Across Generations and Communities, August 1-4, at Georgetown University. The event will focus on the U.S.’ long history of antimilitarism.
Contact: 339 Lafayette Street, New York, NY 10012; 212-228-0450; email@example.com; http://www.warresisters.org.
POPULAR ECONOMICS - The Center for Popular Economics is holding its 2013 Summer Institute August 4-9 at Hampshire College in Amherst, MA. No background in economics is needed for this intensive training. This year’s theme is, The Care Economy: Building a Just Economy with a Heart.
Contact: Center for Popular Economics, PO Box 785 Amherst, MA 01004; 413-545-0743; firstname.lastname@example.org; www.populareconomics.org.
VETERANS - Veterans for Peace is holding the 28th annual convention August 6-11 in Madison, WI. This year’s theme is, Power To The Peaceful.
DEMOCRACY - The Democracy Convention will take place August 7-11 in Madison, WI. The convention brings together nine conferences including topics such as media, education, defense, race, environment and others.
MEN - The 38th National Conference on Men & Masculinity: Forging Justice: Creating Safe, Equal and Accountable Communities, presented in partnership with HAVEN, will be held in Detroit, MI, August 8-10.
Contact: email@example.com; http://www.nomas.org/.
OCCUPY - An Occupy National Gathering will be held in Kalamazoo, MI, August 21-25.
Contact: firstname.lastname@example.org; http://occupynationalgathering.net/.
COMMUNITIES - The Communities Conference is a networking and learning opportunity for co-operative or communal lifestyles, with workshops, events and entertainment; scheduled for August 30-September 2 at the Twin Oaks Community in Louisa, Virginia.
LABOR DAY - The 29th annual Bread and Roses Festival, a celebration of the ethnic diversity and labor history of Lawrence, MA, will be held September 2, in honor of the 1912 Bread and Roses Strike. There will be music, dance, poetry, drama, ethnic food, historical demonstrations, walking & trolley tours.
Contact: PO Box 1137, Lawrence, MA 01842; 978-794-1655; http://www.breadandrosesheritage.org/.
OCCUPY WALL STREET - September 17 is the two-year anniversary of the Occupy Wall Street movement. Events are planned in New York City and worldwide.
TEACHERS - The 13th Annual Conference, “Teaching for Social Justice: The Politics of Pedagogy,” will be held October 12 in San Francisco, CA. The free event features workshops, resources, and free childcare.
Contact: 415-676-7844; email@example.com; http://www.t4sj.org/.
HAITI - International Action, which brings clean water and chlorinators to Haiti, seeks office space capable of housing up to six people and their office equipment.
Contact: Zach Bremer, Zbrehmer@haitiwater.org; 202-488-0735; http://www.haitiwater.org/.
MEDIA - The Union for Democratic Communications and Project Censored are sponsoring a joint conference on media democracy, media activism and social justice to be held November 1-3 at the University of San Francisco. Proposals for presentations, workshops and panels from activists and critical scholars are invited.