By Jonathan Gillis at May 19, 2013
8 January 2013
I wake up. Shut off the alarm. I go and use the bathroom. Wipe with toilet paper. Flush. Scent the room with air freshener. Wash my hands with a bar of soap. While in front of the mirror, I floss. I put two new AA batteries in the electronic toothbrush I use. Smear toothpaste on the brush and clean my teeth. I consummate the ritual by rinsing and gargling with mouthwash. Then, I lather my face with shaving cream. Shave with a razor. Shower. With soap. And shampoo. Now back in front of the mirror. Slap my face with aftershave. I shred some tissue paper and plaster the small pieces over the slits of blood on my face. Roll on some deodorant. I spray on some men’s fragrance, to cover my natural scent, and my bodily cleansing ceremony is complete. I step put into the kitchen. Pour myself a cup of coffee which was brewed automatically from the coffee maker. I put some dog food out for the dog. I’m not feeling so good, so I decide to take two cold & allergy tablets. I clear the dirty dishes out of the sink, rinsing them with dish soap before putting them in the dishwasher. I put dishwasher detergent in the dishwasher and set it to the on cycle. I wipe the counter by the sink with paper towels. I throw a load in and pour some laundry detergent in the washer machine. I prep the dryer by throwing a dryer sheet in. I suddenly remember a television ad I saw the other day for…I dunno, I forget. It was probably for something I just mentioned. Brands of all those products are owned by the same corporation. Proctor & Gamble. Capitalism. Not exactly a free, competitive market as the word’s definition suggests. Imperial capitalism is definitely motivated by an insatiable profit. There’s something inherently wrong and irreversibly damaging about a culture where potentially the same conglomerate corporation owns and manufactures the food you feed your dog, the tablets you take for a cold, your electronic toothbrush and the batteries that operate it. But hey, what do we care? If it doesn’t amuse us, we’re not interested.