Volume , Number 0
There are no articles.Commentary
There are no articles.Culture
There are no articles.Features
Law & Order
R. valeria Treves
keith harmon snow
Eleanor J. Bader
There are no articles.
NOTE: Z Magazine subscribers and sustainers have access to all Z Magazine articles here and in the archive. The latest Z Magazine articles available to everyone are listed in the Free Articles box at the top of the table of contents, and are starred in the list below. Questions? e-mail Z Magazine Online.
W elcome to Hotel Satire, a place where gals gather to learn how to be the domestic appendages/sex objects they were born to be.
These are exciting times for gals. No, we don’t mean the so-called abuse in Abu Ghraib and elsewhere where gals got to drag prisoners around on leashes. Please. You can see worse abuse and humiliation every night on reality TV where gals in bikini’s shake and quiver before leaping into a tub of elephant snot.
We're also not referring to the abuse in the military itself, where there have been over 100 accusations of sexual assault and misconduct within the U.S. Central Command area in the last 18 months—not to mention the war itself, what with the bombing and the strafing of civilians in mosques and hospitals, etc. Says Ellen Embrey, director of the eight- member panel convened to produce a report on the sexual assaults, “Sexual assaults are a challenge to our nation….”
Good grief. If a president waging a war on false pretenses doesn’t result in impeachment; if bombing and strafing doesn’t raise an eyebrow or two; and if sexual assaults are merely a “challenge to our nation,” why get upset about Abu Ghraib and what Rush Limbaugh describes as events similar to fraternity hazing? Torture builds character, says Rush, “I think the reaction to the stupid torture is an example of the feminization of this country.”
So true. The important lesson from Abu Ghraib is that gals should not be in the military. War, as well as torture, is about men humiliating other men. How do they do that? By calling them gals and various gal-related epithets, followed by raping their women. Why can’t people GET this? But we digress.
So what are the gals at Hotel Satire really excited about? Well, all the many examples of how wonderful this country is, like that show “Extreme Makeover.” Have you seen it? You can watch someone (usually a gal) complain in intimate detail about specific parts of her anatomy/face and then have these rearranged or “fixed” so that, between surgery and makeup, she can look like someone else—or in some cases, almost the same as she looked before. In the process, there’s the drama of the bandages being removed while the husband/boyfriend eagerly awaits the results. Will he love her now? Will he love her more? Will he demand more cutting and pasting of body parts?
Isn’t this fantastic? It’s almost as exciting as watching a half-naked gal get a mammogram on the “Six O'Clock News.” Wow. There should be a show, "Extreme Mammography,” so we can see more gals' breasts on TV than we do already.
We gals have often felt a void in our lives—a void created, in part, by the fact that, until now, we haven't been able to view the intimate details of someone’s rhinoplasty on TV.
We love "Extreme Makeover" and hope it becomes a dramatic series like “ER” or “24.” They could have 24 hours to do the makeover. Or a show where gals are so unattractive to men that they have to be rushed to the emergency plastic surgery room. Or it could be like the “Survivor,” where makeover contestants compete to see who can survive cosmetic surgery or to see who looks best after it’s over. Wait, there is a show like that. It’s called “The Swan” where contestants have makeovers and are then judged for who’s post-makeover face looks the best.
Another exciting development is the news that jockeys may soon be able to wear advertising on their “uniforms” while riding in the Kentucky Derby and elsewhere. Thank goodness. When we gals are at the track we often bemoan the fact that, for the minute or two when the horses are pounding around the course, we aren’t being reminded of a product we could/should know about. What a joy to watch a race and see the logo for, say, Playtex Tampons, on a jockey’s backside.
But why stop at the jockeys, why not ads on the horses? Then, as they round the turn and we’re sipping’ mint juleps, screaming for our favorites, a horse’s ass can remind us to purchase a large bag of Puppy Chow on our way home.
Why stop at jockeys and horses, why not ads on the gals at the Derby—on those big hats they wear? Because when you’re watching the Derby, having bet your hard earned money on Lucky So and So, you don’t want to go for ONE SECOND without being told to chat with your doctor just for the hell of it about your possible fear of crowds or your upcoming inability to sleep, which can be cured by a drug of some kind, which hasn’t really been tested very well and which has side effects that replicate the symptoms you took the drug to cure in the first place.
to think of it, why not skip the horses/people altogether and have
the Kentucky Derby become the Palmolive Derby with bottles of green
soap on wheels racing around the track? Or packages of condoms?
Or bottles of Southern Comfort? Actually, why have a crowd in the
stands? Instead, just have various products. Why spend time looking
at actual people, when we can look at bottles of Smirnoff’s?
We hope this concept spreads to other sports figures that don’t already cover themselves with corporate logos, like, say, figure skaters? As those gals glide across the ice, showing us their crotches for the umpteenth time, there could be well placed ads right over the vaginal area for Monistat 7 or Lemon Pledge.
Also exciting to us gals is Bob Dylan as spokesperson for Victoria’s Secret. Nothing says sexy, flirty, underwear like Bob at his aging, emaciated best. Nothing makes us want to make ourselves sexually available to men 24/7 than to purchase a teddy at Victoria’s Secret and get a deal on a Dylan Lovesick CD. The album features such songs as: “She Belongs To Me,” “Don’t Think Twice, It’s All Right,” “To Ramona,” and “Love Sick (Remix).”
Even though it doesn’t include some of Bob’s anti-commercial/corporate songs, w hich would have been a nice touch, we gals rushed out to make a purchase because nothing makes us want to make love “just like a woman” more than Victoria Secret’s new “very sexy convertible bra” that we can “wear many sexy ways.” And nothing makes us want to “break just like a little girl” more than Victoria Secret’s BabyDolls —“delicate, feminine trims that add romance to sexy silhouettes.”
We hope Bob does more commercials. “Maggie’s Farm” would really make us want to purchase Purdue chickens, for instance. “Tombstone Blues” could assist us in the purchase of a headstone for whomever in our family croaks next.
But, again, why bother to write these kinds of songs at all? Listening to them means we aren’t getting any marketing information about the latest crotch ointment or diet pill. Dylan, et al, should stop with songs like “Lay Lady Lay” and write songs like “Lays Lady Lays,” all about spending the night cuddled up with a bag of potato chips.
These excitements pale when compared with the possibilities unleashed by Massport (Massachusetts Port Authority). They are planning to offer advertising on EVERYTHING: bridges, water fountains, air traffic control towers, baggage carousels, and virtually any other space that will fit a corporate logo. Not only that, for the upcoming Democratic Convention in Boston (roughly 35,000 out-of- towners are expected), they are considering selling companies the rights to parts of the airport where they can put up banners and give away samples in lobbies and at the baggage claim area.
Is this a wonderful idea or what? When the Hotel Satire gals fly to Florida or wherever, we’ve often remarked about the lack of advertising en route. When we go out for a walk in the park, our main topic of conversation is, “Why doesn’t this or that park bench have an ad for Sweet and Low on it, for chissake?”
Just off the top of our heads, we gals could think of a gazillion places for ads. The playground, for instance. What mother or grandmother wants to take her kids to a playground with swings that don’t promote Revlon beauty products or Depends?
How about selling ad space on city sidewalks? Or on street signs? Instead of Broadway, it could be Hellmann’s Mayonnaise Way. Instead of Wall Street, it could be Wellbutrin Street. Come to think of it, why have street signs or sidewalks at all. Why not just giant bottles of Valium as signage and boxes of Tide as sidewalks?
There’s no end to the possibilities. Getting back to TV, for instance, with the already existing product placement on shows and the 20 minutes of ads for every 60 minutes of programming, there’s still a few SECONDS when we aren’t being made aware of a new makeup we just have to have. So how about this: ads on people’s body parts. For instance, on “Extreme Makeover,” as they are zooming in to cut some flesh out of someone’s face, what do we see?—a gal in a Victoria’s Secret pink bikini with a soundtrack of Bob singing, “Don’t Think Twice, It’s All Right.”
Lydia Sargent is co-founder of South End Press and founder and staff member of Z Magazine. She writes, acts, and directs plays in her spare time.
Z Magazine Archive
AnnouncementsLABOR - May 1 is May Day. Workers of the world will celebrate the 124th anniversary of International Worker’s Day. Born out of a call for an 8-hour workday in the United States, this day is an opportunity for all workers to show their solidarity with one another, as well as to renew the call for labor rights.
FARM CONFERENCE - The Farm Conference on Community and Sustainability will be held May 24-26 in Summertown, TN, in partnership with the Fellowship of Intentional Communities. Tour green homes, see sustainable food production, learn about solar installations, alternative education, midwifery, and more.
Contact: Douglas@thefarmcommunity.com; http://www.thefarmcommunity.com/.
PALESTINE - The Conference of the Palestinian Shatat in North American will be held June 3-5 in Vancouver. The conference will examine the future of the Palestinian liberation movement.
Contact: email@example.com; http://www.palestinianconference.org/.
LABOR - The Pacific Northwest Labor History Association’s 45th annual conference will be held May 3-5, in Portland, OR. This year’s theme is Labor Under Attack: Learning from the Past and Preparing for the Future. A call for presentations, workshops and papers is currently underway.
Contact: PNLHA, 27920 68th Ave. East, Graham, WA 98338; 206-406-2604; PNLHA1@aol.com; http://www3.telus.net.
MARIJUANA - On the first Saturday of May marijuana legalization activists will hold informational and educational events, rallies and marches in over 300 cities around the world.
ECONOMICS - The Union For Radical Political Economics will hold its 39th annual conference May 9-11 in New York City.
RECLAIM THE DREAM - The 2013 Poor People’s Campaign & March from Baltimore to Washington D.C. will be May 11. Communities, schools and unions interested in participating are encouraged to contact the Baltimore People’s Assembly.
Contact: 410-500-2168; 410-218-4835; BaltimorePeoplesAssembly@gmail.com; Southern Christian Leadership Conference of Baltimore and the Baltimore Peoples Power Assembly, 2011 N. Charles St., Baltimore, MD 21218.
MOTHER’S DAY - The 17th Annual Mother’s Day Walk For Peace will be May 12th, in Dorchester, MA. The walk began in 1996 for families who had lost children to violence. The day has become a way for thousands of people to financially support the work of the Louis Brown Peace Institute.
Contact: http://www.ldbpeaceinstitute.org/; http://mothersdaywalk4peace.org/.
NATO 5 - An International Week of Solidarity with the NATO 5 has been called for May 16-21. Supports call on supporters to raise awareness of the NATO 5 and support funds for the defendants on the one-year anniversary of their preemptive arrests.
Contact: firstname.lastname@example.org; https://nato5support.wordpress.com.
MOUNTAINTOP - The 2013 Mountain Justice Summer Activist Training Camp will be held May 19-27 in Damascus, VA. It will be a week of workshops, field trips to view Mountain Top Removal coal mines, direct actions, and service project.
FEMINIST SCI-FI - The feminist science fiction convention WisCon 37 is scheduled for May 24-27 in Madison, WI.
Contact: WisCon, ? SF3, PO Box 1624, Madison, WI 53701; email@example.com; http://www.wiscon.info/.
ANARCHY FEST - A month-long Festival of Anarchy is scheduled for May in Montreal. The festival includes The Montreal Anarchist Bookfair (May 19-20).
Contact: http://www.anarchistbookfair.ca/; http://www.radicalmontreal.com/.
LABOR - The International Labor Rights Forum will present: Down the Supply Chain, Driving Corporate Accountability, on May 22 in Washington, DC. The Labor Rights Awards Ceremony and Reception will honor pioneers in supply chain worker organizing, working solidarity and international labor rights policy.
MULTICULTURE - The 26th annual National Conference on Race & Ethnicity in American Higher Education (NCORE) will take place May 28-June 1, in New Orleans.
Contact: SWCHRS, 3200 Marshall Avenue, Suite 290, Norman, OK 73072; 405-325-3694; firstname.lastname@example.org; www.ncore.ou.edu.
MEDIA - The 2013 Alliance for Community Media Annual Conference will be held May 29-31, in San Francisco, CA. Participants will include educators, community leaders, media professionals, journalists, nonprofit leaders, policymakers and students.
RADIO - The 38th Annual Community Radio Conference is schedule for May 29-June 1, in San Francisco, CA, with discussions and workshops.
Contact: 1101 Pennsylvania Ave. NW, Suite 600, Washington, DC 20004; 202-756-2268; email@example.com; http://www.nfcb.org/.
BRADLEY MANNING - On June 1, a rally will be held at Fort Meade in support of Bradley Manning.
BIKES - Bikes Not Bombs is holding its 24th annual Bike-A-Thon and Green Roots Festival in Boston, MA on June 3, with several bike rides scheduled, music, exhibitors and more.
Contact: Bikes Not Bombs, 284 Amory St., Jamaica Plain, MA 02130; 617-522-0222; firstname.lastname@example.org; www.bikesnotbombs.org.
LEFT FORUM - The 2013 Left Forum will be held June 7-9, at Pace University in New York City.
Contact: 365 Fifth Avenue, CUNY Graduated Center, ? Sociology Dept., New York, NY 10016; http://www.leftforum.org/.
VEGAN FEST - Mad City Vegan Fest will be held in Madison, WI, June 8. The annual event features food, speakers, and exhibitors.
Contact: 122 State Street, Suite 405 B, Madison, WI 53701; email@example.com; http://veganfest.org/.
ADC CONFERENCE - The American-Arab Anti-Discrimination Committee (ADC) holds its annual conference June 13-16, in Washington, DC, with panel discussions and workshops on civil rights, media and other topics.
Contact: 1990 M Street, Suite 610, Washington, DC, 20036; 202-244-2990; firstname.lastname@example.org http://convention.adc.org/.
CUBA/SOCIALISM - A Cuban-North American Dialog on Socialist Renewal and Global Capitalist Crisis will be held in Havana, Cuba, June 16-30. There will be a 5 day Seminar at University of Havana, plus visits to a cooperative, urban garden, community development project, social research centers, and educational & medical institutions.
Contact: email@example.com; http://www.globaljusticecenter.org/.
NETROOTS - The 8th Annual Netroots Nation conference will take place June 20-23 in San Jose, CA. The event features panels, trainings, networking, screenings, and keynotes.
Contact: 164 Robles Way, #276, Vallejo, CA 94591; firstname.lastname@example.org; http://www.netrootsnation.org/.
MEDIA - The 15th annual Allied Media Conference will be held June 20-23, in Detroit.
Contact: 4126 Third Street, Detroit, MI 48201; http://alliedmedia.org/.
GRASSROOTS - The United We Stand Festival will be hosted by Free & Equal, June 22 in Little Rock, Arkansas. The festival aims to reform the electoral process throughout the U.S.
SOCIALISM - The Socialism 2013 Conference is scheduled for June 27-30 in Chicago, featuring talks and panel discussions.
Contact: email@example.com; http://www.socialismconference.org.
LITERACY - The National Association for Media Literacy Education (NAMLE) will hold its conference July 12-13 in Los Angeles under the heading, Intersections: Teaching and Learning Across Media.
Contact: 10 Laurel Hill Drive, Cherry Hill, NJ 08003; http://namle.net/conference/.
IWW - The North American Work People’s College will take place July 12-16 at Mesaba Co-op Park in northern Minnesota. The event will bring together Wobblies from branches across the continent to learn new skills and build One Big Union.
PEACESTOCK - On July 13th, the 11th Annual Peacestock: A Gathering for Peace, will take place at Windbeam Farm in Hager City, WI. The event is a mixture of music, speakers and community for peace. Sponsored by Veterans for Peace.
Contact: Bill Habedank, 1913 Grandview Ave., Red Wing, MN 55066; 651-388-7733; firstname.lastname@example.org; http://www.peacestockvfp.org.
CHILDREN’S DEFENSE - July 15-19, join clergy, seminarians, Christian educators, young adult leaders and other faith-based advocates for children at CDF Haley Farm in Clinton, Tennessee, for five days of spiritual renewal, networking, movement building workshops, and continuing education about the urgent needs of children at the 19th annual Proctor Institute for Child Advocacy Ministry.
Contact: email@example.com; http://www.childrensdefense.org.
ACTIVIST CAMP - Youth Empowered Action (YEA) Camp will have sessions in July and August in Ben Lomond, CA; Portland, OR; Charlton, MA. YEA Camp is designed for activists 12-17 years old who want to make a difference in the world.
Contact: firstname.lastname@example.org; http://yeacamp.org/.
LA RAZA - The annual National Council of La Raza (NCLR) Conference is scheduled for July 18-19 in New Orleans, with workshops, presentations and panel discussions.
Contact: NCLR Headquarters Office, Raul Yzaguirre Building, 1126 16th Street, NW, Washington, DC 20036; 202-785-1670; www.nclr.org.
LABOR - The Eastern Conference For Workplace Democracy: Growing Our Cooperatives, Growing Our Communities, will be held at Drexel University in Philadelphia, PA, July 26-28.
Contact: email@example.com; http://east.usworker.coop/.
WOMEN/LYNNE STEWART- Radical Women is asking for support letters and cards to be sent to Lynne Stewart. Stewart is a civil rights attorney and political prisoner who is currently in jail. She has breast cancer and authorities have denied her request for transfer from her Texas prison to the New York City hospital where she received medical attention during a prior bout of breast cancer. Send messages and cards to: Lynne Stewart 53504-054, Federal Medical Center Carswell, P.O. Box 27137, Fort Worth, TX 76127.
Contact: 747 Polk Street, San Francisco, CA 94109; 415-864-1278; RadicalWomenUS@gmail.com; http://lynnestewart.org/; http://www.radicalwomen.org/.
HAITI/WOMEN - Haiti’s government is considering a legal reform measure that would prohibit and punish all sexual assault, including marital rape. MADRE and the International Campaign to Stop Rape & Gender Violence in Conflict are launching a petition to raise international support for this push to address violence against women in Haiti.
Contact: 121 West 27th Street, #301, New York, NY 10001; 212-627-0444; firstname.lastname@example.org; http://www.madre.org.
SYRIA/MIDDLE EAST - The Middle East Children’s Alliance (MECA) is currently seeking funds to assist more than 200,000 refugees fleeing violence in Syria.
FOLK FESTIVAL - The Falcon Ridge Folk Festival will be held August 2-4, in the Berkshires, NY.
Contact: http://www.falconridgefolk.com/; email@example.com.
WAR RESISTERS - The War Resisters League will hold its 90th anniversary conference, Revolutionary Nonviolence: Building Bridges Across Generations and Communities, August 1-4, at Georgetown University. The event will focus on the U.S.’ long history of antimilitarism.
Contact: 339 Lafayette Street, New York, NY 10012; 212-228-0450; firstname.lastname@example.org; http://www.warresisters.org.
POPULAR ECONOMICS - The Center for Popular Economics is holding its 2013 Summer Institute August 4-9 at Hampshire College in Amherst, MA. No background in economics is needed for this intensive training. This year’s theme is, The Care Economy: Building a Just Economy with a Heart.
Contact: Center for Popular Economics, PO Box 785 Amherst, MA 01004; 413-545-0743; email@example.com; www.populareconomics.org.
VETERANS - Veterans for Peace is holding the 28th annual convention August 6-11 in Madison, WI. This year’s theme is, Power To The Peaceful.
DEMOCRACY - The Democracy Convention will take place August 7-11 in Madison, WI. The convention brings together nine conferences including topics such as media, education, defense, race, environment and others.
MEN - The 38th National Conference on Men & Masculinity: Forging Justice: Creating Safe, Equal and Accountable Communities, presented in partnership with HAVEN, will be held in Detroit, MI, August 8-10.
Contact: firstname.lastname@example.org; http://www.nomas.org/.
OCCUPY - An Occupy National Gathering will be held in Kalamazoo, MI, August 21-25.
Contact: email@example.com; http://occupynationalgathering.net/.
COMMUNITIES - The Communities Conference is a networking and learning opportunity for co-operative or communal lifestyles, with workshops, events and entertainment; scheduled for August 30-September 2 at the Twin Oaks Community in Louisa, Virginia.
LABOR DAY - The 29th annual Bread and Roses Festival, a celebration of the ethnic diversity and labor history of Lawrence, MA, will be held September 2, in honor of the 1912 Bread and Roses Strike. There will be music, dance, poetry, drama, ethnic food, historical demonstrations, walking & trolley tours.
Contact: PO Box 1137, Lawrence, MA 01842; 978-794-1655; http://www.breadandrosesheritage.org/.
OCCUPY WALL STREET - September 17 is the two-year anniversary of the Occupy Wall Street movement. Events are planned in New York City and worldwide.
TEACHERS - The 13th Annual Conference, “Teaching for Social Justice: The Politics of Pedagogy,” will be held October 12 in San Francisco, CA. The free event features workshops, resources, and free childcare.
Contact: 415-676-7844; firstname.lastname@example.org; http://www.t4sj.org/.
HAITI - International Action, which brings clean water and chlorinators to Haiti, seeks office space capable of housing up to six people and their office equipment.
Contact: Zach Bremer, Zbrehmer@haitiwater.org; 202-488-0735; http://www.haitiwater.org/.
MEDIA - The Union for Democratic Communications and Project Censored are sponsoring a joint conference on media democracy, media activism and social justice to be held November 1-3 at the University of San Francisco. Proposals for presentations, workshops and panels from activists and critical scholars are invited.