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Feel the Love
W elcome to Hotel Satire where men are in command and gals are not, thank goodness. These days there’s been a lot of criticism, anger, and even outright hatred directed toward our government, especially our beloved president. For no reason whatsoever!!!!
The Hotel Satire gals are writing this column on Valentine’s Day, a day when men bring frilly cards, flowers, candy, and heart-shaped pendants on gold chains to their best gals; and where those gals scream ecstatically cause nothing says lovin’ like a few consumer items.
Of course, we’ve never been sure what Hallmark cards and candy have to do with St. Valentine and the origins of this holiday, which remain mysterious (but no matter). We love the legend that Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men. Valentine defied Claudius and performed marriages for young lovers in secret. When Claudius discovered this, he ordered that Valentine be put to death. When in prison, it is said that Valentine fell in love with a young girl and before his death wrote her a letter, which he signed “From your Valentine.”
Hey, there’s nothing like a tale of emperors, prison, and death sentences to inspire elementary school kids to make Valentine cards out of construction paper and doilies. We are overwhelmed with love (we’re talking xxx, ooo) for our country and the men who run it. We dedicate this column to them.
We love President Bush for all the things he’s done for us. For his trillion dollar military budget to keep us safe from those murderous Iraqis (or is it Iranians?) who are threatening to invade our shores. Plus, getting that nuclear power program going makes us just radiate with love.
We love Bush even more for his cutbacks in healthcare, education, Medicare, family literacy funds, college tuition subsidies, food stamps, etc. The government shouldn’t be in the business of giving handouts to the undeserving. Those folks need to learn to stand on their own two feet, the scum (we say that with love).
We especially love the Busher for ordering governemnt spying on U.S. citizens and then lovingly declaring, when criticized by bleeding heart liberals and radicals, that “the Constitution is just a piece of paper.” Especially lovable is a new kids page on the NSA website, which we hope will enable kids to feel the love for their parents by spying on them.
We are feeling mucho love for Vice President Cheney because what gal wouldn’t love a man who hunts birds with shotguns and feels love and forgiveness for his friend who got in the way, damn him. That’s the kind of attitude we need in charge of our foreign policy—somebody who can hunt down helpless creatures and blame the victims for any collateral damage that might ensue.
When Cheney said in an interview (
, February 16) that
the shooting accident was the worst day in his life, we were shot
full o’ love for him. You gotta be crazy in love with a man
who regrets “accidentally” shooting someone more than
his complicity in dropping tons of bombs on third world countries.
We love the Winter Olympics’ commentary. Who cares about bobsledding and other winter sports where somebody wins by a nano-second? What we love is the personal stories about the athletes’ health issues, like all the diseases they have survived and all the near death experiences their coaches, parents, and siblings have undergone, not to mention the many tear-filled, flag-raising, U.S. National Anthem-playing award ceremonies. Feel the pride!
We also love having a TV news reporter doing commentary at the opening ceremony so he can update us on how overjoyed Mongolia was to have a U.S. president visit their country for the first time and how evil Korea is and what a human rights violator China is—and how some ungrateful countries are violence-prone and still others are poverty-stricken, inspite of all the loving the U.S. has given them. When the continuously-running soundtrack of 1980s American pop hits played “Freedom” while the U.S. team marched into the stadium, we almost went into cardiac arrest from feeeeeling the lurve.
We are, of course, filled with gratitude and love for the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue released every February. It helps remind gals that sports should be about men. Half-naked gals frolicking with erect nipples in the blue waters off some Caribbean island are substitute trophies/gold medals for the men/winners to ravage in the pages of a magazine or while on a free trip to Disneyland.
Above all, we love corporations for continuing to turn everything— politics, feelings, culture, sports, clothing, etc.—into sales opportunities. Special love goes to Filenes, a department store based in Massachusetts (which is going out of business) for turning the civil rights struggle in the U.S. into a shopping expedition to their Cambridge store’s lower level to see and hear Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.’s “I Have A Dream” speech while taking advantage of the many discounts.
We love the company that has turned sincerity into sweater sales. It seems Evo Morales (newly elected president of Bolivia) has provided folks with a fashion opportunity. Who cares about conditions in Bolivia or the U.S.’s (loving) involvement there when a Bolivian sweater mania is going on. Shops in La Paz are selling up to 300 acrylic Evo pullovers a day. The New York Times , in an article titled “The Fashion of the Populist,” reports, “‘We saw his dress as an act of sincerity,’” said Raul Valda, the owner of the Punto Blanco textile company, which is reproducing the sweaters Mr. Morales wore in Europe.”
Much love goes as well to Chrysler for making clear that movies are really about product placement. For instance, Harrison Ford’s new movie Firewall is about seeing the Chrysler 300C featured therein.
Most of all we love the advertisers who are now allowing us to own an ad! The Boston Globe reports, “Companies hope to mimic the success of music downloads in offering Super Bowl commercials to iPod, computer users…to download their favorite beer commercials and watch them on video iPods, laptops, and computer screens” (there were 50 ads during the Super Bowl). Wow. Feel the pride. Download the love.
Lydia Sargent is on the staff of Z and is a playwright, actor, and director.
Z Magazine Archive
HUMAN RIGHTS - The U.S. Human Rights Network will celebrate its 10th anniversary with the Advancing Human Rights 2013 Conference, December 6-8, in Atlanta, GA.
Contact: 250 Georgia Avenue SE, Suite 330, Atlanta, GA 30312; firstname.lastname@example.org; http:// www.ushrnetwork.org/.
AFRICAN/SOCIALIST - The Sixth Congress of the African People’s Socialist Party USA will be held December 7-11, in St. Petersburg, FL.
Contact: 1245 18th Avenue South, St. Petersburg, FL 33705; 727- 821-6620; info@aps puhuru.org; http://asiuhuru.org/.
SCHOOLS - The Dignity in Schools Campaign (DSC) will host a workshop on the DSC “Model Code on Education and Dignity: Presenting A Human Rights Framework for Schools” at the Mid-Hudson Region NY State Leadership Summit on School Justice Partnerships, December 11 in White Plains, NY.
Contact: http://www.dignityin schools.org/.
ANARCHIST/BOOKFAIR - The Humboldt Anarchist Book Fair will be held December 14, in Eureka, CA.
Contact: humboldtgrassroots @riseup.net; http://humbold tanarchist bookfair.wordpress. com/.
CLIMATE - The World Symposium on Sustainable Development at Universities is hosting a follow-up event to the 2012 Rio de Janeiro symposium. The gathering will be held in Qatar on January 28-30, 2014.
Contact: http://environment.tufts. edu/.
LABOR - The United Association for Labor Education (UALE) will host Organizing for Power: A New Labor Movement for the New Working Class in Los Angeles, March 26-29. Proposals are due December 15.
Contact: LAWCHA, 226 Carr Building (East Campus), Box 90719, Duke University, Durham, NC 27708-0719;lawcha @duke. edu; http://lawcha.org/.
MEDIA FELLOWSHIP - The Media Mobilizing Project is seeking applicants for the first annual Movement Media Fellowship Program. The Fellow will work with MMP to produce the spring season of Media Mobilizing Project TV. MMPTV is a news and talk show that tells the stories of local communities organizing to win human rights and build a movement to end poverty.
Contact: 4233 Chestnut St., Philadelphia, PA 19104; 215-821- 9632; milena@media mobilizing.org; http://www.media mobilizing.org/.
RACE - The 7th Facing Race: A National Conference will be held in Dallas, TX November 13-15, 2014. Organizers, educators, artists, funders and everyone interested in racial equity is invited to exchange best practices and learn about innovative models and successful organizing initiatives. Proposals must be submitted by January 24, 2014.
Contact: Race Forward, 32 Broadway, Suite 1801, New York, NY 10004; 212-513-7925; media @raceforward.org; http://race forward.org/.
VETERANS - They Were Soldiers: How the Wounded Return from America’s Wars - The Untold Story, by Ann Jones, is about the journey of veterans from the moment of being wounded in rural Afghanistan to their return home.
Contact: Haymarket Books, PO Box 180165, Chicago, IL 60618; 773-583-7884; http://www.haymarketbooks.org/.
LIBYA - Destroying Libya and World Order: The Three-Decade U.S. Campaign to Terminate the Qaddafi Revolution, by Francis A. Boyle, is a history and critique of American foreign policy from Reagan to Obama.
Contact: Clarity Press, Inc., Ste. 469, 3277 Roswell Rd. NE, Atlanta, GE 30305; 404-647-6501; email@example.com; http://www. claritypress.com/.
CHILDREN - Fannie and Freddie by Becky Z. Dernbach is about two bumbling villains who gamble away the savings of the people of Homeville.
Contact: fannieandfreddiebook @gmail.com; http://fannieand freddie.org/.
PROTEST/COMIC - Fight the Power!: A Visual History of Protest Among English Speaking Peoples, by Sean Michael Wilson and Benjamin Dickson is a graphic narrative that explains how people have fought against oppression.
Contact: Seven Stories Press, 140 Watts Street, New York, NY 10013; 212-226-8760; info@ sevenstories.com; http://www. sevenstories.com.
CHILDREN - Brave Girl by Michelle Markel and illustrated by Melissa Sweet is the true story of Clara Lemlich, a young Ukrainian immigrant who led the largest strike of women workers in U.S. history.
Contact: http://www.harpercollins childrens.com/Kids/.
FESTIVAL - The 2014 Queer Women of Color Film Festival will be held June 13-15 in San Francisco. The festival is currently accepting submissions until December 31.
Contact: QWOCMAP, 59 Cook Street, San Francisco, CA 94118-3310; 415-752-0868; firstname.lastname@example.org; http://www.qwocmap.org/.
IRAQ/REFUGEES - Ten years after the U.S.-led war in Iraq, thousands of displaced Iraqi refugees are still facing a crisis in the United States. The Lost Dream follows Nazar and Salam who had to flee Iraq in order to avoid threats by Al- Qaeda-affiliated groups and Iraqi insurgents that consider them “traitors” for supporting U.S. forces in Operation Iraqi Freedom.
Contact: Typecast Films, 888- 591-3456; info@type castfilms. com; http://type castfilms.com/.
HUMAN RIGHTS - Lyrical Revolt! III will be held December 4 in Syracuse, NY. The event will feature hip-hop musician Anhel whose album Young, Gifted, and Brown was just released. The event is sponsored by ANSWER Syracuse, Liberation News, and SyracuseHip Hop.com. Performers and artists are encouraged to send submissions.
Contact: email@example.com; http://www.answercoalition.org/syracuse/.
FOLK - Musician Painless Parker has released his album Music for miscreants, malcontents and misanthropes featuring “Fuck Yeah, the Working Class.”
Contact: firstname.lastname@example.org; http://painlessparkermusic.com/.
COMEDY - Political comedian Lee Camp’s new album Pepper Spray the Tears Away has been released.