George W. Bush

“Can you name the president of Chechnya?”—Andy Hiller, WHDH- TV Boston, to George W. Bush, 11/4/99

“No, can you?”—George W. Bush

You won’t hear about it on CNN, but George W. Bush is so lost on foreign policy that he recently got the prime minister of Canada confused with a pile of french fries, beef gravy, and cheese curd.

That’s actually true, I swear. But let’s back up.

You remember how George W. Bush failed a pop quiz on the names of foreign leaders? The excuse was that the governor of Texas doesn’t have to know who’s running Pakistan, India, Chechnya, or Taiwan, the world’s four leading potential flash points.

Which is true. Nor does he need to know the difference between Slovenia and Slovakia; that the people of Greece and Kosovo are not known as “Grecians” and “Kosovians;” and that the massacres undertaken by the U.S.-backed Indonesia military were not caused because “the East Timorians decide to revolt.”

No, a governor of Texas doesn’t need to know that stuff. A president does. Which is why Al Gore now challenges Bush to debate on a daily basis. So far, Bush refuses. You can imagine why.

Anyhow, you’d think Bush would at least know the prime minister of Canada, right? Canada is America’s biggest trading partner and shares the longest border. They (mostly) speak the same language. Hell, George W.’s Texas Rangers even play ball up there.

For those of you who aren’t sure, the Canadian prime minister guy’s name is Jean Chretien. He’s French-Canadian, or what Bush would probably call a Quebecian.

The name “Chretien” isn’t trivia; it’s a layup for anyone able to get past $1,000 with Regis. It’s certainly not much to expect from someone who claims to be able to lead the United States for the next four years.

Poutine, on the other hand, is a horrifying Quebecois junk food: french fries smothered in gravy and cheese curd.

Anyhow, a mischievous Canadian named Rick Mercer, knowing Bush’s utter lack of knowledge about the world, asked George W. Bush a few weeks ago during a fundraiser in Michigan if he was glad to have the support of Prime Minister Poutine.

The name “Poutine” was pronounced several times in a loud and clear voice. There’s not much possibility of a misunderstanding.

So did George W. Bush know the name of Canada’s prime minister or not?

This is Bush’s response, transcribed from an audio tape of the encounter provided to RadioFor- Change.com by Mercer, which I have played numerous times on my radio show: “I appreciate his strong statement. He understands I believe in free trade. He understands I want to make sure our relations with our most important neighbor to the north of us, the Canadians, is strong, and we’ll work closely together.”

Imagine for a moment that same question being asked of Bill Bradley. Or Al Gore. Or Ralph Nader. Or Pat Buchanan. Or John McCain. Or anyone you like. Whether or not they’ve personally eaten poutine—and that act right there might bring their judgment into question—do you suppose they just might know that “poutine” isn’t Canadian prime minister Chretien’s last name?

My God, it’s Dan Quayle with better parents.                       Z

Bob Harris’s latest book is Steal This Book and Get Life Without Parole.