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It’s A Man’s World, Sweetie
W elcome to Hotel Satire where gals come to learn “How to be a Decorative Appendage.” Never has it been more necessary to teach gals their place, as assigned by God (in the Bible somewhere). Yes, too many gals are out there in the world, expressing themselves, running things, making decisions.
Take, for instance, the recent appointment of the first gal ever to head Harvard University—Drew Gilpin Faust. What were they thinking? Don’t they realize that a gal as head of a university is evil incarnate? Her name is Faust, for chrissakes. Plus there’s a reason men have been in charge of Harvard since its founding in 1636—because God said they should. Doesn’t that gal realize her place is to take care of her man and his offspring? That gal should have listened to her mom who told her (as reported in the New York Times , February 12), “It’s a man’s world, sweetie, and the sooner you learn that, the better off you’ll be.”
Isn’t that gal astronaut lesson enough about what gals get up to if let out of the house? The feminist media was busy touting Sunita Williams—the gal astronaut who spent more time in space than any other gal—with articles like, “One Small Step for Man, One Giant Leap for Womankind.” Then the news hit of another gal astronaut, Lisa Marie Nowak, who “allegedly” attacked another gal astronaut over a male astronaut. Lisa has since been charged with attempted murder, in addition to attempted kidnapping, battery, vehicle burglary, and destruction of evidence. Apparently, Lisa drove from Texas at 1:00 AM to meet this gal astronaut she had a thing for. In the car, she had a knife, a steel mallet, a BB pistol, rubber tubing, plastic bags, and black gloves. Hmm. We bet NASA rues the day they were forced by commie feminists to accept gals into the space program. We were all warned about this back in the 1980s in that movie... Fatal Affliction ? Fatal Ablution ?...whatever. The message then and now was and is: gals who seek fulfillment through a career become psychotic lesbians and/or psychotic murderers.
Another affront to essential galness is the recently-released statistic that “51% of Women Now Live Without A Spouse at Home” as compared with “35% in 1950 and 49% in 2000.” Says one of these women, who divorced after being married for 35 years: “A gentleman asked me to marry him and I said no. I told him, ‘I’m just beginning to fly again; I’m just beginning to be me. Don’t take that away’.” What the heck does that mean: beginning to fly and also to be me? There is no me where gals are concerned; there is no flying. Flitting maybe. And gals can be somewhat “me” until puberty, then they assume true galness, which is to serve some man or other and “be” whatever he wants them to be. GET it?
Another trend that’s causing agony at Hotel Satire is that radical Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito. Associated Press writer Matt Reed reported on February 7 that Alito told a university class that the U.S. Supreme Court will eventually have as many female justices as it does male. Not only that, but law schools now have enrollments of at least 50 percent gals and that a greater number of women lawyers and judges will advance to higher courts within a generation.
Wha? Gals making legal decisions? No, true galness means deciding between beef or chicken for dinner, after consulting a man for his preferences. By the way, there’s a reason the statue that represents justice, which appears in front of many court buildings, is a gal. It’s because gals who appear in public should be like statues—silent and draped.
Speaking of draping, another example of scandalous anti-galness comes from the fashion world, which can be counted on to treat gals properly—i.e., posed half-naked and draped, usually in clothes that hinder their ability to move, speak, or see. But not this year. It seems that the top Spanish fashion show in Madrid (on February 11) rejected five gal models for being TOO THIN!?! It seems the show decided in September 2006 that gals below a body mass to height ratio of 18 can’t take part. That means they excluded a model gal who was 5’10” and weighed 110 pounds. Are they kidding? That gal is clearly overweight and needs to DIET.
Excuse us, but how can any gal be too thin? Besides thin is not only about weight, it’s also about whether a gal can stand up and move about in the world. The more prone to catching a chill and tripping and fainting a gal is the better.
hen we get agitated about the state of galness
in the world, we head to the Hotel Satire Internet Café and
immerse ourselves in the thousands of websites and email messages
that demean gals or treat them like food products to be savored
or that point out gals’ many imperfections requiring surgical
makeovers. We revel in emails and websites that enable men to “locate
submiiiiiiissssive women online. We have the nation’s largest
We are thrilled that so much attention has been paid to Anna Nicole Smith who died (mysteriously?) at 39. She made a name for herself by posing and looking good enough to snack on. She was Playmate of the Year, married an 89-year-old billionaire and fought for his money all the way to the Supreme Court. She made photos of her son (in the hospital room where he died) available to In Touch magazine. And videos of her Ceasarian section are available on YouTube. While we don’t favor all of this kind of behavior, Anna’s true galness got way more attention than the Faustian head of Harvard, as it should.
We also daily immerse ourselves in the many Christian and/or rightwing websites. They have a lot to teach about true galness. A particular favorite is the Clare Boothe Luce Policy Institute website, with its mission of “Inspiring women, discovering leaders, changing lives.” There’s all kinds of stuff about how terrible feminism is because, uh, it is about inspiring women and changing lives. Wait. That can’t be right. Anyway, they list lots of interesting books and also talk about their campaign to expose feminism as harmful.
Interesting reads are What Our Mothers Didn’t Tell Us by Daniel Crittenden, about how young women’s mothers’ feminism “seeped into their minds like intravenous saline into the arm of an unconscious patient”; or Women Who Make the World Worse by Kate O’Beirne who charges the feminist movement with responsibility for assorted social ills, from broken families to increased risk to the military with female recruits. Women who’ve made the world worse include Hillary Clinton, Gloria Steinem, Maureen Dowd, and Ruth Bader Ginsberg.
We also enjoyed “Media Aids Liberals’ Fight to Demean Marriage” by Thomas Sowell who tells us on Townhall.com that liberal papers report “marriage is like a prison sentence, complete with the old-fashioned leg irons with a chain connected to a heavy metal ball, so that the prisoner cannot escape. This picture of marriage and a family as a burden is not peculiar to the New York Times or the San Francisco Chronicle . It is common among the intelligentsia of the left.”
A must read is “Feminism Killed Chivalry” where Dr. Laura, in an interview with Joan Swirsky, reminds us that “the feminist movement did not originally focus on equal pay for equal work, but rather on ‘how marriage, husbands, men in general, and children in specific were the enemies and oppressors of true womanhood.’ The movement not only promoted man hatred, but self-loathing in women ‘of nurturing breast, life-producing wombs, and an emotionally sensitive, nurturing spirit’.” It’s wonderful that gals like Dr. Laura have the time and the gumption to write and lecture and so forth. Although, we hope they aren’t neglecting their families and their sensitive, nurturing spirits. Perhaps they need to visit Hotel Satire where we offer a class for “Gals who have opinions and write about them may be killing their life-producing wombs.”
By the way, we loved their idea of raising funds by offering The Great American Conservative Women pinup calendar. Nothing says leadership and inspiration like posing draped or, in the case of the NRA gal pictured here, sexily toting what the text refers to as a “peacemaking” pistol. Although isn’t that going to hurt her nurturing breast? No matter.
We ended our web session by ordering some of the conservative T-shirts at ThoseShirts.com. There’s the shirt with that sexy Ann Coulter quote, “We should invade their countries, kill their leaders, and covert them to Christianity.” There’s the one with a line through Hillary Clinton that says “Re-Defeat Communism.” And one for babies that says “I survived Roe v. Wade.”
It is so soothing to spend an hour or two a day exploring the Internet for all the ways gals are treated as inventory or featured semi-naked and available, or posed as if in the middle of coitus, or sold to or for sale themselves. As Faust’s mom said years ago, “It’s a man's world, sweetie, and the sooner you learn that, the better off you’ll be.”
Lydia Sargent is co-founder and staff member of Z. She is also a playwright, actor, and director.
Z Magazine Archive
AnnouncementsLABOR - May 1 is May Day. Workers of the world will celebrate the 124th anniversary of International Worker’s Day. Born out of a call for an 8-hour workday in the United States, this day is an opportunity for all workers to show their solidarity with one another, as well as to renew the call for labor rights.
FARM CONFERENCE - The Farm Conference on Community and Sustainability will be held May 24-26 in Summertown, TN, in partnership with the Fellowship of Intentional Communities. Tour green homes, see sustainable food production, learn about solar installations, alternative education, midwifery, and more.
Contact: Douglas@thefarmcommunity.com; http://www.thefarmcommunity.com/.
PALESTINE - The Conference of the Palestinian Shatat in North American will be held June 3-5 in Vancouver. The conference will examine the future of the Palestinian liberation movement.
Contact: firstname.lastname@example.org; http://www.palestinianconference.org/.
LABOR - The Pacific Northwest Labor History Association’s 45th annual conference will be held May 3-5, in Portland, OR. This year’s theme is Labor Under Attack: Learning from the Past and Preparing for the Future. A call for presentations, workshops and papers is currently underway.
Contact: PNLHA, 27920 68th Ave. East, Graham, WA 98338; 206-406-2604; PNLHA1@aol.com; http://www3.telus.net.
MARIJUANA - On the first Saturday of May marijuana legalization activists will hold informational and educational events, rallies and marches in over 300 cities around the world.
ECONOMICS - The Union For Radical Political Economics will hold its 39th annual conference May 9-11 in New York City.
RECLAIM THE DREAM - The 2013 Poor People’s Campaign & March from Baltimore to Washington D.C. will be May 11. Communities, schools and unions interested in participating are encouraged to contact the Baltimore People’s Assembly.
Contact: 410-500-2168; 410-218-4835; BaltimorePeoplesAssembly@gmail.com; Southern Christian Leadership Conference of Baltimore and the Baltimore Peoples Power Assembly, 2011 N. Charles St., Baltimore, MD 21218.
MOTHER’S DAY - The 17th Annual Mother’s Day Walk For Peace will be May 12th, in Dorchester, MA. The walk began in 1996 for families who had lost children to violence. The day has become a way for thousands of people to financially support the work of the Louis Brown Peace Institute.
Contact: http://www.ldbpeaceinstitute.org/; http://mothersdaywalk4peace.org/.
NATO 5 - An International Week of Solidarity with the NATO 5 has been called for May 16-21. Supports call on supporters to raise awareness of the NATO 5 and support funds for the defendants on the one-year anniversary of their preemptive arrests.
Contact: email@example.com; https://nato5support.wordpress.com.
MOUNTAINTOP - The 2013 Mountain Justice Summer Activist Training Camp will be held May 19-27 in Damascus, VA. It will be a week of workshops, field trips to view Mountain Top Removal coal mines, direct actions, and service project.
FEMINIST SCI-FI - The feminist science fiction convention WisCon 37 is scheduled for May 24-27 in Madison, WI.
Contact: WisCon, ? SF3, PO Box 1624, Madison, WI 53701; firstname.lastname@example.org; http://www.wiscon.info/.
ANARCHY FEST - A month-long Festival of Anarchy is scheduled for May in Montreal. The festival includes The Montreal Anarchist Bookfair (May 19-20).
Contact: http://www.anarchistbookfair.ca/; http://www.radicalmontreal.com/.
LABOR - The International Labor Rights Forum will present: Down the Supply Chain, Driving Corporate Accountability, on May 22 in Washington, DC. The Labor Rights Awards Ceremony and Reception will honor pioneers in supply chain worker organizing, working solidarity and international labor rights policy.
MULTICULTURE - The 26th annual National Conference on Race & Ethnicity in American Higher Education (NCORE) will take place May 28-June 1, in New Orleans.
Contact: SWCHRS, 3200 Marshall Avenue, Suite 290, Norman, OK 73072; 405-325-3694; email@example.com; www.ncore.ou.edu.
MEDIA - The 2013 Alliance for Community Media Annual Conference will be held May 29-31, in San Francisco, CA. Participants will include educators, community leaders, media professionals, journalists, nonprofit leaders, policymakers and students.
RADIO - The 38th Annual Community Radio Conference is schedule for May 29-June 1, in San Francisco, CA, with discussions and workshops.
Contact: 1101 Pennsylvania Ave. NW, Suite 600, Washington, DC 20004; 202-756-2268; firstname.lastname@example.org; http://www.nfcb.org/.
BRADLEY MANNING - On June 1, a rally will be held at Fort Meade in support of Bradley Manning.
BIKES - Bikes Not Bombs is holding its 24th annual Bike-A-Thon and Green Roots Festival in Boston, MA on June 3, with several bike rides scheduled, music, exhibitors and more.
Contact: Bikes Not Bombs, 284 Amory St., Jamaica Plain, MA 02130; 617-522-0222; email@example.com; www.bikesnotbombs.org.
LEFT FORUM - The 2013 Left Forum will be held June 7-9, at Pace University in New York City.
Contact: 365 Fifth Avenue, CUNY Graduated Center, ? Sociology Dept., New York, NY 10016; http://www.leftforum.org/.
VEGAN FEST - Mad City Vegan Fest will be held in Madison, WI, June 8. The annual event features food, speakers, and exhibitors.
Contact: 122 State Street, Suite 405 B, Madison, WI 53701; firstname.lastname@example.org; http://veganfest.org/.
ADC CONFERENCE - The American-Arab Anti-Discrimination Committee (ADC) holds its annual conference June 13-16, in Washington, DC, with panel discussions and workshops on civil rights, media and other topics.
Contact: 1990 M Street, Suite 610, Washington, DC, 20036; 202-244-2990; email@example.com http://convention.adc.org/.
CUBA/SOCIALISM - A Cuban-North American Dialog on Socialist Renewal and Global Capitalist Crisis will be held in Havana, Cuba, June 16-30. There will be a 5 day Seminar at University of Havana, plus visits to a cooperative, urban garden, community development project, social research centers, and educational & medical institutions.
Contact: firstname.lastname@example.org; http://www.globaljusticecenter.org/.
NETROOTS - The 8th Annual Netroots Nation conference will take place June 20-23 in San Jose, CA. The event features panels, trainings, networking, screenings, and keynotes.
Contact: 164 Robles Way, #276, Vallejo, CA 94591; email@example.com; http://www.netrootsnation.org/.
MEDIA - The 15th annual Allied Media Conference will be held June 20-23, in Detroit.
Contact: 4126 Third Street, Detroit, MI 48201; http://alliedmedia.org/.
GRASSROOTS - The United We Stand Festival will be hosted by Free & Equal, June 22 in Little Rock, Arkansas. The festival aims to reform the electoral process throughout the U.S.
SOCIALISM - The Socialism 2013 Conference is scheduled for June 27-30 in Chicago, featuring talks and panel discussions.
Contact: firstname.lastname@example.org; http://www.socialismconference.org.
LITERACY - The National Association for Media Literacy Education (NAMLE) will hold its conference July 12-13 in Los Angeles under the heading, Intersections: Teaching and Learning Across Media.
Contact: 10 Laurel Hill Drive, Cherry Hill, NJ 08003; http://namle.net/conference/.
IWW - The North American Work People’s College will take place July 12-16 at Mesaba Co-op Park in northern Minnesota. The event will bring together Wobblies from branches across the continent to learn new skills and build One Big Union.
PEACESTOCK - On July 13th, the 11th Annual Peacestock: A Gathering for Peace, will take place at Windbeam Farm in Hager City, WI. The event is a mixture of music, speakers and community for peace. Sponsored by Veterans for Peace.
Contact: Bill Habedank, 1913 Grandview Ave., Red Wing, MN 55066; 651-388-7733; email@example.com; http://www.peacestockvfp.org.
CHILDREN’S DEFENSE - July 15-19, join clergy, seminarians, Christian educators, young adult leaders and other faith-based advocates for children at CDF Haley Farm in Clinton, Tennessee, for five days of spiritual renewal, networking, movement building workshops, and continuing education about the urgent needs of children at the 19th annual Proctor Institute for Child Advocacy Ministry.
Contact: firstname.lastname@example.org; http://www.childrensdefense.org.
ACTIVIST CAMP - Youth Empowered Action (YEA) Camp will have sessions in July and August in Ben Lomond, CA; Portland, OR; Charlton, MA. YEA Camp is designed for activists 12-17 years old who want to make a difference in the world.
Contact: email@example.com; http://yeacamp.org/.
LA RAZA - The annual National Council of La Raza (NCLR) Conference is scheduled for July 18-19 in New Orleans, with workshops, presentations and panel discussions.
Contact: NCLR Headquarters Office, Raul Yzaguirre Building, 1126 16th Street, NW, Washington, DC 20036; 202-785-1670; www.nclr.org.
LABOR - The Eastern Conference For Workplace Democracy: Growing Our Cooperatives, Growing Our Communities, will be held at Drexel University in Philadelphia, PA, July 26-28.
Contact: firstname.lastname@example.org; http://east.usworker.coop/.
WOMEN/LYNNE STEWART- Radical Women is asking for support letters and cards to be sent to Lynne Stewart. Stewart is a civil rights attorney and political prisoner who is currently in jail. She has breast cancer and authorities have denied her request for transfer from her Texas prison to the New York City hospital where she received medical attention during a prior bout of breast cancer. Send messages and cards to: Lynne Stewart 53504-054, Federal Medical Center Carswell, P.O. Box 27137, Fort Worth, TX 76127.
Contact: 747 Polk Street, San Francisco, CA 94109; 415-864-1278; RadicalWomenUS@gmail.com; http://lynnestewart.org/; http://www.radicalwomen.org/.
HAITI/WOMEN - Haiti’s government is considering a legal reform measure that would prohibit and punish all sexual assault, including marital rape. MADRE and the International Campaign to Stop Rape & Gender Violence in Conflict are launching a petition to raise international support for this push to address violence against women in Haiti.
Contact: 121 West 27th Street, #301, New York, NY 10001; 212-627-0444; email@example.com; http://www.madre.org.
SYRIA/MIDDLE EAST - The Middle East Children’s Alliance (MECA) is currently seeking funds to assist more than 200,000 refugees fleeing violence in Syria.
FOLK FESTIVAL - The Falcon Ridge Folk Festival will be held August 2-4, in the Berkshires, NY.
Contact: http://www.falconridgefolk.com/; firstname.lastname@example.org.
WAR RESISTERS - The War Resisters League will hold its 90th anniversary conference, Revolutionary Nonviolence: Building Bridges Across Generations and Communities, August 1-4, at Georgetown University. The event will focus on the U.S.’ long history of antimilitarism.
Contact: 339 Lafayette Street, New York, NY 10012; 212-228-0450; email@example.com; http://www.warresisters.org.
POPULAR ECONOMICS - The Center for Popular Economics is holding its 2013 Summer Institute August 4-9 at Hampshire College in Amherst, MA. No background in economics is needed for this intensive training. This year’s theme is, The Care Economy: Building a Just Economy with a Heart.
Contact: Center for Popular Economics, PO Box 785 Amherst, MA 01004; 413-545-0743; firstname.lastname@example.org; www.populareconomics.org.
VETERANS - Veterans for Peace is holding the 28th annual convention August 6-11 in Madison, WI. This year’s theme is, Power To The Peaceful.
DEMOCRACY - The Democracy Convention will take place August 7-11 in Madison, WI. The convention brings together nine conferences including topics such as media, education, defense, race, environment and others.
MEN - The 38th National Conference on Men & Masculinity: Forging Justice: Creating Safe, Equal and Accountable Communities, presented in partnership with HAVEN, will be held in Detroit, MI, August 8-10.
Contact: email@example.com; http://www.nomas.org/.
OCCUPY - An Occupy National Gathering will be held in Kalamazoo, MI, August 21-25.
Contact: firstname.lastname@example.org; http://occupynationalgathering.net/.
COMMUNITIES - The Communities Conference is a networking and learning opportunity for co-operative or communal lifestyles, with workshops, events and entertainment; scheduled for August 30-September 2 at the Twin Oaks Community in Louisa, Virginia.
LABOR DAY - The 29th annual Bread and Roses Festival, a celebration of the ethnic diversity and labor history of Lawrence, MA, will be held September 2, in honor of the 1912 Bread and Roses Strike. There will be music, dance, poetry, drama, ethnic food, historical demonstrations, walking & trolley tours.
Contact: PO Box 1137, Lawrence, MA 01842; 978-794-1655; http://www.breadandrosesheritage.org/.
OCCUPY WALL STREET - September 17 is the two-year anniversary of the Occupy Wall Street movement. Events are planned in New York City and worldwide.
TEACHERS - The 13th Annual Conference, “Teaching for Social Justice: The Politics of Pedagogy,” will be held October 12 in San Francisco, CA. The free event features workshops, resources, and free childcare.
Contact: 415-676-7844; email@example.com; http://www.t4sj.org/.
HAITI - International Action, which brings clean water and chlorinators to Haiti, seeks office space capable of housing up to six people and their office equipment.
Contact: Zach Bremer, Zbrehmer@haitiwater.org; 202-488-0735; http://www.haitiwater.org/.
MEDIA - The Union for Democratic Communications and Project Censored are sponsoring a joint conference on media democracy, media activism and social justice to be held November 1-3 at the University of San Francisco. Proposals for presentations, workshops and panels from activists and critical scholars are invited.