Make The Switch

What they've done to address the issue is to make up a merry-go-round of coalitions, like the Concerned Citizens for Stable Growth and the Stable Citizens Concerned About Growth, and the Growing Citizens Stable of Concerns to cook up a lot of propositions with equally abstruse names and now we're suffering from coalition-proposition sprawl.

The brunt of this gobbledygook is that the developers take a lot of heat. Which is all peaches and pie, but mostly it's just restating what they said in the first place. “We can stop development by stopping developers.” Yeah. Put it on a sign and walk around in a circle for awhile and see if you feel dizzy.

Folks, this ain't the field of dreams. Build it and they will come—you got to be kidding. This is big money we're talking about. No one's building shit unless they know there's already people waiting to move in—and people just keep moving in.

So where do they come from? Quick geography quiz. Where do all rich white people come from and what is it that makes them so rich and so white?

Answer: California.

Dudes, you're guarding the wrong border. Look at the subdivisions, the malls. What kind of people do you see? That's right, white people. Rich white people who like to go to El Super Chocolate Chunk Mall to buy pictures of cute Indian children to put in their adobe homes in Vista del Double Fudge Nut Housing Community to remind themselves of what it was like before their Viking-ass ancestors came to rape and pillage.

Now, look at the people we're spending so much money trying to keep out, the ones that show up dead in the desert. I saw pictures of some of them in the Tucson Post not too long ago, and they didn't look rich or white to me.

So kids, it's simple. All we gotta do to bring sprawl to a crawl is just switch which border we're guarding. We've got the troops, and I'm sure some ranchers from Yuma to Carson City will all be more than happy to pop any unwanted Calis trying to swim across the Colorado river.

We don't have to worry about the Mexicans. None of them will be moving into Vista del Double Nut Fudge Nut any time soon. History has shown that it's poor hardworking immigrants that have built America up and rich white leeches who have sucked it dry. So why are we killing the one and giving tax incentives to the other? We've got it all backwards, folks. Let's switch it around.

Think of what a wonderful world it would be.                  Z

Ron Galaktik writes a column for a small paper in the Southwest.