NFL, Nipples, & Nudity

Moving on to the flap over the Stupor Bowl half-time show where we saw Janet Jackson’s naked breast for a few seconds. By the way, since we see gals’ breasts hanging out everywhere on TV/ movie screens, it wasn’t the breast exposure that shocked, it was the nipple sighting. 

Sure, it was upsetting to see the nipple and that detracted from the lovely halftime show of half naked gals singing, dancing, cheerleading, and dry humping everything in sight—microphones, themselves, each other, the football. But let’s not get carried away with talk of network censorship and fears of femgals and their nipples taking over the planet. Why? Because the gender order couldn’t have been more beautifully depicted and maintained than on that football field: That is, guys play football and beat each other up; gals cheer them on and become perks for the winners—along with a car, a trophy, cash, and the occasional trip to Disney World for more cleavage viewing. 

Also, what’s all this complaining about kids being exposed to the nipple? Puhleaze. Kudos to news stations for showing us over and over the proper gender order, exemplified by Justin Timberlake tearing Janet’s top off, thereby showing kids that in life guys are the ripper; gals are the rippee.  

Speaking of nipples and shock over them: what do these outraged folks think the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue is all about? It’s about a gazillion ways to show gals’ nipples—through wet T-shirts, bathing suits, sand, rock formations in the Caribbean, and whatever else they can titillate guys with, regardless of age. Why are gals posing, nipples and crotches exposed, in sports magazines that are presumably read by boys as well as men? What does this have to do with sports? Why are there half naked models at boat shows and every other sporting event you could care to mention, including perched on car engines, breasts popping? Answer: to remind us that men are people; and gals are hood ornaments. It’s in the Bible somewhere, we’re sure. 

By the way, can you imagine a professional women’s sports event with all male cheerleaders, half naked, genitals flailing as they shout encouragement, to be later awarded to the winners—giving new meaning to the “game ball.” No, this would be disgusting and a threat to civilization, especially if that was pretty much all men were considered good for. 

Now some of you were also shocked by the post-Stupor Bowl celebrations, particularly the ones that “got out of hand” in Boston, resulting in fires being set, cars overturned, and one fatality. Well, not to worry. New England Patriot fans’ post-game rowdy celebrations were a fine example of what we’ve been teaching at Hotel Satire for years: Guys are about getting drunk and violent—that’s one of the perks of being a guy, along with getting access to cars and gals’ breasts. The police understand this, that’s why there were only 36 of them in the streets that night. 

By the way, the police also understand that when there’s a demonstration for peace and justice (clearly radlesfem issues), they need tens of thousands of cops in the streets armed with head-bashing batons, guns, tear gas, mace, and other violent stuff to restore the gender order of things. Football fans, however, are just rowdy guys doing what guys do, requiring no interference from the police. 

Another topic of shock had to do with gals’ attire at movie/music award ceremonies, as well as on TV dramas. Many of you point out that these gals show so much cleavage they might as well appear topless, even completely nude. Say the complainers, it doesn’t seem to matter what their profession—lawyer, doctor, coroner, secretary, cop, judge—TV/movie gals wear high heels and skimpy outfits. On some cop shows, gals are in tank tops while guys are wearing long- sleeved shirts and jackets up to their chins. 

This enlarging and showing of breasts is especially worrisome because many see it as a feminist plot (as stated in many gals’ fashion mags) to “be all that gals can be.” Yeah, right. It’s fine by us if you femlesgals want to find fulfillment in your breasts, weight, looks, and sexual availability. 

Fortunately, the fashion industry understands the gender order of things and how to sell gals on breast/crotch-exposing clothes that reinforce sexist oppression for profit. We were surprised, however, to read an article in the fashion section of the February 13 New York Times “Sex Doesn’t Sell: Miss Prim Is In.” Are they kidding? Apparently not. Says Wayne Koestenbaum, author of Cleavage: Essays on Sex, Stars and Aesthetics : “Sadly, getting nude isn’t really a threshold anymore.... We are looking to go beyond nudity....” (What does that mean? Skeletons as fashion statement? An MRI?) Actually, it means wearing clothes from the 1950s, before the gals lib movement, thank goodness. 

But what matters, vis-à-vis the fashion industry, is that (1) men decide what gals wear; (2) whatever gals wear—be it sexy or prim— their clothes must reflect their place in the gender order, which means as decorative, slightly ravaged, sex objects, who service men. If the outfits also restrict a gal’s movements, even cripple her, so much the better. 

Also cause for alarm was the recent Showtime movie Iron Jawed Angels about Alice Paul and her struggle for suffrage and to pass an equal rights amendment. Callers to Hotel Satire were worried that this movie showing gals taking control of their lives (i.e., trying to be men) would be a serious threat. But  they needn’t have panicked. The ad (pictured here) features a gal, wrapped in a U.S. flag, back to the viewer, naked to the waist, with “votes for women” imprinted across her spine. 

What’s going on? Is she a ballot box? Is she seducing men into giving gals the vote? Do only half-naked gals get to vote? We don’t know and we don’t care. Suffice to say: as long as gals are pretty, funny, sexually available to men, fond of shopping, and willing to pose nude in a bathtub, as they are in this movie, then they can agitate to their breasts content, but nobody will take them seriously in the long run. Because they’re gals!  

Finally, many gals were shocked about the hot new Showtime series, “The L Word” (L refers to lesbians, in case you didn't know). The show is mostly about lesbian (and a few straight) gals obsessing about their looks, weight, and sexuality. As in most shows featuring gals as protagonists, it’s really ultimately about men—their fantasies, their view of gals, their gender order of things. By the way, the lesbian gals are pictured below. Threat to civili- zation or not?  You decide.