Volume , Number 0
There are no articles.Commentary
There are no articles.Culture
There are no articles.Features
LOVE ME, I’M A LIBERAL
Nuggets from the Nut House
Gay & Lesbian Notes
There are no articles.
NOTE: Z Magazine subscribers and sustainers have access to all Z Magazine articles here and in the archive. The latest Z Magazine articles available to everyone are listed in the Free Articles box at the top of the table of contents, and are starred in the list below. Questions? e-mail Z Magazine Online.
W elcome to Hotel Satire where gals flock (in droves) to escape the latest lesbie-feminist (i.e., terrorist) onslaught on gals’ God- given/Pope-perpetuated role as reproductive receptacles.
“What is the latest lesbie-fem onslaught,” you ask? Well, take a look at a recent ad for the French fashion house of Marithe & Fran- cois Girbaud that depicts Leonardo da Vinci’s “Last Supper” with a female Jesus (in designer clothes), female Apostles (also in designer clothes), and a half-naked, clinging man. According to a NYT article of March 11, the French Roman Catholic Church filed suit and won a ban on the billboard version of this ad, but the print version will continue to appear. In the lawsuit, the Church charged that the ad “had misused a religious image and offended a group of people because of their religious affiliation….”
Phooey. It’s not about misusing religious images. This ad is a subliminal coded message that lesbians are plotting to take over…something. Jesus! The image of that Jesus gal being crucified in that outfit, not to mention the high heels, is scary. Plus, that ring the Apostle gal “Peter” is wearing: would it become the “rock” upon which “she” builds her church? Yikes.
Don’t get us wrong, we do not object to using art, religion, or anything else to advertise products—far from it. Using the original “Last Supper,” with Jesus and the Apostles enjoying a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken, would have been okay with us. But depicting gals as the divine offspring of God, not to mention having a guy appear half nude—and clinging!— while the gals are fully clothed, is definitely out. Or take the “Creation of Adam” by Michelangelo Buonarroti, which shows clearly that God (and by association the Pope) is in charge of reproduction/creation. By the way, this painting would work nicely as an ad for Bell telephones (logo strategically placed) or for Bowflex exercise equipment, what with the display of muscles. But turn God into Goddette and Adam into Eve? You must be kidding?
can we stop the fem-terrorist onslaught? Well, we are hopeful that
Pope John Paul’s passing (and the election of a new Pope) will
reawaken people (and gals) to God’s job assignments on earth,
i.e., that the Pope is in charge of gals’ reproductive parts.
Yes, the Pope is God’s CEO; gals are His receptacles, and men
are like God, only not God, if you know what we mean. Can you just
weep with the beauty of this arrangement?
We must be watchful of any attempts to reorder God’s gender assignments—religious or otherwise. Take the secular painting of “Washington Crossing the Delaware,” by Emanuel Gottlieb Leutze depicting the heroism of one of America’s founding fathers. If a corporation wants to update this painting with heroic U.S. troops, led by a modern day George, as an ad for Johnson & Johnson gauze bandages, that’s okay. But substitute gals in Donna Karan dresses and six-inch heels for those heroic revolutionaries? Never.
Take the heroic and manly painting “Cavalryman’s Breakfast on the Plains” by Frederic Remington. If companies want to use this painting to promote, say, beef or beans or Campbell’s soup, it’s fine with us. But substitute gals in this painting and what are we saying? That gals can actually sit astride horses and protect citizens? That it’s okay for groups of gals to be hanging out on the Great Plains, carrying GUNS, with no men in charge of their crotch areas, not to mention their internal organs? No. The Pope is turning over in His grave.
There are any number of paintings that advertisers could use to display gals in the proper manner, as determined by our beloved Pope, may He rest in one piece. Take “Guernica” by Pablo Picasso. This painting (retouched), with gals in designer outfits and three inch heels all screaming in pain from, say, acid reflex, could promote proper galness and sell large quantities of Prevacid. Andrew Wyeth’s bleak “Christina’s World” could advertise Remax or bras—“She dreamed of the perfect home in her Maidenform bra.” Degas’s “Frieze of Dancers,” with ballerinas all bending over to fiddle with their slippers, could promote Dr. Scholl’s products very nicely.
Jan Vermeer’s “The Milkmaid” could join the “Got Milk” campaign. Sandro Botticelli’s “Venus” on the half shell, with her left hand grabbing her crotch, could be advertising Monistat 7, as she appears to be itching that special area. Or she could be promoting the “New Diamond Right Hand Ring.” You must have seen the ad, the one that reads, “Your left hand says ‘we.’ Your right hand says “me.’ Your left hand loves candlelight. Your right hand loves the spotlight. Your left hand rocks the cradle. Your right hand rules the world. Women of the world, raise your right hand. A diamond is forever.” (Wow, are they using feminism to sell monogamous, reproductive receptacleness?)
Modigliani’s “Nude From the Back” could be an ad for Preparation H. Or for cosmetic breast implant surgery. Is she afraid to show her too small breasts, we wonder? Such an ad would be timely, as an advisory board is currently looking into whether to recommend that the FDA remove the ban on silicone gel implants (some have testified that these implants are toxic, a suicide risk, cause extreme fatigue, and silicone oozing from their scars; 264,000 gals received cosmetic implant procedures in 2004, using other implant products. By the way, the Pope should reclaim the right to make all decisions regarding gals’ breasts, as they affect/enhance gals receptaclivity.
Most appropriate is Edouard Manet’s “The Picnic,” which depicts fully clothed males picnicking in the woods with a nude female; surely, the meaning is clear. She is as a piece of fruit, a breast of chicken, a glass of wine, a pitcher of water; she is an ad for Oscar Mayer weiners.
So it’s fine for advertisers to use art, music, or whatever to promote their products, but stick to the Papal/God approved depictions, please: gals can be decorative receptacles—naked (or slightly draped); they can be reclining, dreaming, reaching, napping, staring, or (preferably) semi-comatose. Any activities should be domestic. Also permissible are depictions of gals as equivalent to fruit, flowers, and furry animals. Dancing is permitted with a man who leads or with a group of naked gals—because paintings are for men to look at and enjoy. Depictions of gals being ravaged by men or mythical figures are permissible as long as the gal does not resist and no birth control is used/advertised in the process.
Which brings us back to the Pope, God’s earthly CEO, not to mention chief gynecologist in the hospital of life. How can we help gals give their reproductive lives to Il Papa (or any of God’s other gynecological conduits)? We were at a loss until we saw an article in the NYT , March 6, 2005 about “Iraq Culture Smart Cards.” It seems that, as the U.S. “struggles against the insurgency in Iraq, it is also battling for the hearts and minds of ordinary Iraqis…. That’s a tough assignment for soldiers who…must also avoid antagonizing the people they are trying to help…. ” (Isn't this touching? Note that killing/invading are not considered antagonistic—and we concur.)
“To that end, the Marine Corps Intelligence Activity (MCIA), a branch of the Marines’ intelligence service, has over the past two years distributed thousands of “Iraq Culture Smart Cards” to American servicemen in Iraq. ‘They are meant for the 19- or 20-year-old soldier moving door to door in a hostile environment’.”
The card is a laminated, fold-up guide to the country’s geography, history, etc. MCIA has created similar cards for Afghanistan and is considering cards for other nations. These cards teach all about the Iraq culture and help the troops observe their patriarchy as laid down by their particular God. Among the items in the cards are: “Respond to a woman’s greeting only when she initiates the contact. Allow her to shake hands using only her fingertips.” And “don’t show women attention by addressing, touching, or staring at them. Don’t ask direct questions of female relatives.”
Wow, what an idea. We are designing Papal Smart Cards, as we speak. They should help counteract these lesbie-type “Last Supper” ads. Troops of civilian soldiers, as it were, would go door to door with these cards, to win back control of gals with advice like: “Make sure she knows nothing about sex, birth control, and the entire reproductive process.” “Don’t ask questions of her, or address her directly, but inform her through the nearest male relative all about the reproductive receptacle she was born to be.”
Lydia Sargent is co-founder of South End Press and Z. She has been on the Z staff since 1988. She is also an actor and playwright.
Z Magazine Archive
AnnouncementsLABOR - May 1 is May Day. Workers of the world will celebrate the 124th anniversary of International Worker’s Day. Born out of a call for an 8-hour workday in the United States, this day is an opportunity for all workers to show their solidarity with one another, as well as to renew the call for labor rights.
FARM CONFERENCE - The Farm Conference on Community and Sustainability will be held May 24-26 in Summertown, TN, in partnership with the Fellowship of Intentional Communities. Tour green homes, see sustainable food production, learn about solar installations, alternative education, midwifery, and more.
Contact: Douglas@thefarmcommunity.com; http://www.thefarmcommunity.com/.
PALESTINE - The Conference of the Palestinian Shatat in North American will be held June 3-5 in Vancouver. The conference will examine the future of the Palestinian liberation movement.
Contact: email@example.com; http://www.palestinianconference.org/.
LABOR - The Pacific Northwest Labor History Association’s 45th annual conference will be held May 3-5, in Portland, OR. This year’s theme is Labor Under Attack: Learning from the Past and Preparing for the Future. A call for presentations, workshops and papers is currently underway.
Contact: PNLHA, 27920 68th Ave. East, Graham, WA 98338; 206-406-2604; PNLHA1@aol.com; http://www3.telus.net.
MARIJUANA - On the first Saturday of May marijuana legalization activists will hold informational and educational events, rallies and marches in over 300 cities around the world.
ECONOMICS - The Union For Radical Political Economics will hold its 39th annual conference May 9-11 in New York City.
RECLAIM THE DREAM - The 2013 Poor People’s Campaign & March from Baltimore to Washington D.C. will be May 11. Communities, schools and unions interested in participating are encouraged to contact the Baltimore People’s Assembly.
Contact: 410-500-2168; 410-218-4835; BaltimorePeoplesAssembly@gmail.com; Southern Christian Leadership Conference of Baltimore and the Baltimore Peoples Power Assembly, 2011 N. Charles St., Baltimore, MD 21218.
MOTHER’S DAY - The 17th Annual Mother’s Day Walk For Peace will be May 12th, in Dorchester, MA. The walk began in 1996 for families who had lost children to violence. The day has become a way for thousands of people to financially support the work of the Louis Brown Peace Institute.
Contact: http://www.ldbpeaceinstitute.org/; http://mothersdaywalk4peace.org/.
NATO 5 - An International Week of Solidarity with the NATO 5 has been called for May 16-21. Supports call on supporters to raise awareness of the NATO 5 and support funds for the defendants on the one-year anniversary of their preemptive arrests.
Contact: firstname.lastname@example.org; https://nato5support.wordpress.com.
MOUNTAINTOP - The 2013 Mountain Justice Summer Activist Training Camp will be held May 19-27 in Damascus, VA. It will be a week of workshops, field trips to view Mountain Top Removal coal mines, direct actions, and service project.
FEMINIST SCI-FI - The feminist science fiction convention WisCon 37 is scheduled for May 24-27 in Madison, WI.
Contact: WisCon, ? SF3, PO Box 1624, Madison, WI 53701; email@example.com; http://www.wiscon.info/.
ANARCHY FEST - A month-long Festival of Anarchy is scheduled for May in Montreal. The festival includes The Montreal Anarchist Bookfair (May 19-20).
Contact: http://www.anarchistbookfair.ca/; http://www.radicalmontreal.com/.
LABOR - The International Labor Rights Forum will present: Down the Supply Chain, Driving Corporate Accountability, on May 22 in Washington, DC. The Labor Rights Awards Ceremony and Reception will honor pioneers in supply chain worker organizing, working solidarity and international labor rights policy.
MULTICULTURE - The 26th annual National Conference on Race & Ethnicity in American Higher Education (NCORE) will take place May 28-June 1, in New Orleans.
Contact: SWCHRS, 3200 Marshall Avenue, Suite 290, Norman, OK 73072; 405-325-3694; firstname.lastname@example.org; www.ncore.ou.edu.
MEDIA - The 2013 Alliance for Community Media Annual Conference will be held May 29-31, in San Francisco, CA. Participants will include educators, community leaders, media professionals, journalists, nonprofit leaders, policymakers and students.
RADIO - The 38th Annual Community Radio Conference is schedule for May 29-June 1, in San Francisco, CA, with discussions and workshops.
Contact: 1101 Pennsylvania Ave. NW, Suite 600, Washington, DC 20004; 202-756-2268; email@example.com; http://www.nfcb.org/.
BRADLEY MANNING - On June 1, a rally will be held at Fort Meade in support of Bradley Manning.
BIKES - Bikes Not Bombs is holding its 24th annual Bike-A-Thon and Green Roots Festival in Boston, MA on June 3, with several bike rides scheduled, music, exhibitors and more.
Contact: Bikes Not Bombs, 284 Amory St., Jamaica Plain, MA 02130; 617-522-0222; firstname.lastname@example.org; www.bikesnotbombs.org.
LEFT FORUM - The 2013 Left Forum will be held June 7-9, at Pace University in New York City.
Contact: 365 Fifth Avenue, CUNY Graduated Center, ? Sociology Dept., New York, NY 10016; http://www.leftforum.org/.
VEGAN FEST - Mad City Vegan Fest will be held in Madison, WI, June 8. The annual event features food, speakers, and exhibitors.
Contact: 122 State Street, Suite 405 B, Madison, WI 53701; email@example.com; http://veganfest.org/.
ADC CONFERENCE - The American-Arab Anti-Discrimination Committee (ADC) holds its annual conference June 13-16, in Washington, DC, with panel discussions and workshops on civil rights, media and other topics.
Contact: 1990 M Street, Suite 610, Washington, DC, 20036; 202-244-2990; firstname.lastname@example.org http://convention.adc.org/.
CUBA/SOCIALISM - A Cuban-North American Dialog on Socialist Renewal and Global Capitalist Crisis will be held in Havana, Cuba, June 16-30. There will be a 5 day Seminar at University of Havana, plus visits to a cooperative, urban garden, community development project, social research centers, and educational & medical institutions.
Contact: email@example.com; http://www.globaljusticecenter.org/.
NETROOTS - The 8th Annual Netroots Nation conference will take place June 20-23 in San Jose, CA. The event features panels, trainings, networking, screenings, and keynotes.
Contact: 164 Robles Way, #276, Vallejo, CA 94591; firstname.lastname@example.org; http://www.netrootsnation.org/.
MEDIA - The 15th annual Allied Media Conference will be held June 20-23, in Detroit.
Contact: 4126 Third Street, Detroit, MI 48201; http://alliedmedia.org/.
GRASSROOTS - The United We Stand Festival will be hosted by Free & Equal, June 22 in Little Rock, Arkansas. The festival aims to reform the electoral process throughout the U.S.
SOCIALISM - The Socialism 2013 Conference is scheduled for June 27-30 in Chicago, featuring talks and panel discussions.
Contact: email@example.com; http://www.socialismconference.org.
LITERACY - The National Association for Media Literacy Education (NAMLE) will hold its conference July 12-13 in Los Angeles under the heading, Intersections: Teaching and Learning Across Media.
Contact: 10 Laurel Hill Drive, Cherry Hill, NJ 08003; http://namle.net/conference/.
IWW - The North American Work People’s College will take place July 12-16 at Mesaba Co-op Park in northern Minnesota. The event will bring together Wobblies from branches across the continent to learn new skills and build One Big Union.
PEACESTOCK - On July 13th, the 11th Annual Peacestock: A Gathering for Peace, will take place at Windbeam Farm in Hager City, WI. The event is a mixture of music, speakers and community for peace. Sponsored by Veterans for Peace.
Contact: Bill Habedank, 1913 Grandview Ave., Red Wing, MN 55066; 651-388-7733; firstname.lastname@example.org; http://www.peacestockvfp.org.
CHILDREN’S DEFENSE - July 15-19, join clergy, seminarians, Christian educators, young adult leaders and other faith-based advocates for children at CDF Haley Farm in Clinton, Tennessee, for five days of spiritual renewal, networking, movement building workshops, and continuing education about the urgent needs of children at the 19th annual Proctor Institute for Child Advocacy Ministry.
Contact: email@example.com; http://www.childrensdefense.org.
ACTIVIST CAMP - Youth Empowered Action (YEA) Camp will have sessions in July and August in Ben Lomond, CA; Portland, OR; Charlton, MA. YEA Camp is designed for activists 12-17 years old who want to make a difference in the world.
Contact: firstname.lastname@example.org; http://yeacamp.org/.
LA RAZA - The annual National Council of La Raza (NCLR) Conference is scheduled for July 18-19 in New Orleans, with workshops, presentations and panel discussions.
Contact: NCLR Headquarters Office, Raul Yzaguirre Building, 1126 16th Street, NW, Washington, DC 20036; 202-785-1670; www.nclr.org.
LABOR - The Eastern Conference For Workplace Democracy: Growing Our Cooperatives, Growing Our Communities, will be held at Drexel University in Philadelphia, PA, July 26-28.
Contact: email@example.com; http://east.usworker.coop/.
WOMEN/LYNNE STEWART- Radical Women is asking for support letters and cards to be sent to Lynne Stewart. Stewart is a civil rights attorney and political prisoner who is currently in jail. She has breast cancer and authorities have denied her request for transfer from her Texas prison to the New York City hospital where she received medical attention during a prior bout of breast cancer. Send messages and cards to: Lynne Stewart 53504-054, Federal Medical Center Carswell, P.O. Box 27137, Fort Worth, TX 76127.
Contact: 747 Polk Street, San Francisco, CA 94109; 415-864-1278; RadicalWomenUS@gmail.com; http://lynnestewart.org/; http://www.radicalwomen.org/.
HAITI/WOMEN - Haiti’s government is considering a legal reform measure that would prohibit and punish all sexual assault, including marital rape. MADRE and the International Campaign to Stop Rape & Gender Violence in Conflict are launching a petition to raise international support for this push to address violence against women in Haiti.
Contact: 121 West 27th Street, #301, New York, NY 10001; 212-627-0444; firstname.lastname@example.org; http://www.madre.org.
SYRIA/MIDDLE EAST - The Middle East Children’s Alliance (MECA) is currently seeking funds to assist more than 200,000 refugees fleeing violence in Syria.
FOLK FESTIVAL - The Falcon Ridge Folk Festival will be held August 2-4, in the Berkshires, NY.
Contact: http://www.falconridgefolk.com/; email@example.com.
WAR RESISTERS - The War Resisters League will hold its 90th anniversary conference, Revolutionary Nonviolence: Building Bridges Across Generations and Communities, August 1-4, at Georgetown University. The event will focus on the U.S.’ long history of antimilitarism.
Contact: 339 Lafayette Street, New York, NY 10012; 212-228-0450; firstname.lastname@example.org; http://www.warresisters.org.
POPULAR ECONOMICS - The Center for Popular Economics is holding its 2013 Summer Institute August 4-9 at Hampshire College in Amherst, MA. No background in economics is needed for this intensive training. This year’s theme is, The Care Economy: Building a Just Economy with a Heart.
Contact: Center for Popular Economics, PO Box 785 Amherst, MA 01004; 413-545-0743; email@example.com; www.populareconomics.org.
VETERANS - Veterans for Peace is holding the 28th annual convention August 6-11 in Madison, WI. This year’s theme is, Power To The Peaceful.
DEMOCRACY - The Democracy Convention will take place August 7-11 in Madison, WI. The convention brings together nine conferences including topics such as media, education, defense, race, environment and others.
MEN - The 38th National Conference on Men & Masculinity: Forging Justice: Creating Safe, Equal and Accountable Communities, presented in partnership with HAVEN, will be held in Detroit, MI, August 8-10.
Contact: firstname.lastname@example.org; http://www.nomas.org/.
OCCUPY - An Occupy National Gathering will be held in Kalamazoo, MI, August 21-25.
Contact: email@example.com; http://occupynationalgathering.net/.
COMMUNITIES - The Communities Conference is a networking and learning opportunity for co-operative or communal lifestyles, with workshops, events and entertainment; scheduled for August 30-September 2 at the Twin Oaks Community in Louisa, Virginia.
LABOR DAY - The 29th annual Bread and Roses Festival, a celebration of the ethnic diversity and labor history of Lawrence, MA, will be held September 2, in honor of the 1912 Bread and Roses Strike. There will be music, dance, poetry, drama, ethnic food, historical demonstrations, walking & trolley tours.
Contact: PO Box 1137, Lawrence, MA 01842; 978-794-1655; http://www.breadandrosesheritage.org/.
OCCUPY WALL STREET - September 17 is the two-year anniversary of the Occupy Wall Street movement. Events are planned in New York City and worldwide.
TEACHERS - The 13th Annual Conference, “Teaching for Social Justice: The Politics of Pedagogy,” will be held October 12 in San Francisco, CA. The free event features workshops, resources, and free childcare.
Contact: 415-676-7844; firstname.lastname@example.org; http://www.t4sj.org/.
HAITI - International Action, which brings clean water and chlorinators to Haiti, seeks office space capable of housing up to six people and their office equipment.
Contact: Zach Bremer, Zbrehmer@haitiwater.org; 202-488-0735; http://www.haitiwater.org/.
MEDIA - The Union for Democratic Communications and Project Censored are sponsoring a joint conference on media democracy, media activism and social justice to be held November 1-3 at the University of San Francisco. Proposals for presentations, workshops and panels from activists and critical scholars are invited.