Sore Feet, Latin Honors, Coffee Stains and Martinis

You never REALLY know someone until you see how they treat the janitors in the buildings where they work.

I agree that of course everyone is owed basic respect (at least until they show they don't deserve it), and wait staff (like people in most lines of work) deserve basic respect as much as anyone else.  Obviously.  I sympathize with you for suffering from the terrible rudeness of some people.

But it is an unfortunate reality that some people are ignorant, arrogant, self-centered, small-minded, and/or rude; and I don't think their behavior towards wait staff is the worst consequence of these faults.  I think people have been rude to me sometimes also, but I wouldn't think of writing a long article complaining about it.  Also, people who may seem rude are sometimes just preoccupied or haven't developed the acting skills you've acquired, enabling them to be friendly and cheerful at all times regardless of their mood.  Perhaps some of the people you judged rude were moody because their dog had just died, their mother had been diagnosed with cancer, or their partner had just dumped them.  Such misfortunes happen to many people besides waiters and waitresses.

Also, it seems a bit ridiculous to me when you describe it as "soul-obliterating" and undermining of your sense of self when customers left a tip less than 15%, as if it could only reflect on you personally.  Doesn't it occur to you that a 15% surcharge on every restaurant meal might be too much for some people to afford, or that some might question the whole practice of automatic tipping (like the Buscemi character does very reasonably in Reservoir Dogs)? 

Personally, I'm sick of feeling obligated to add a certain amount of gratuity to the price of any meal.  Waiting on tables is a service type of job, like serving customers in a store, being a cashier, or standing behind a counter at a cafe or fast food restaurant.  It is not logical to me that wait staff automatically deserve a tip of at least 15% of the price of a meal while many others in the service sector get nothing at all but an hourly rate.  It even seems to me a sort of petty elitist thinking, as if assuming that wait staff are somehow more deserving of tips than others in the service sector.  Please get over yourselves.

A gratuity should be simply that--a freely given gift.  If I would like to give a tip to a waiter but I only wish to give 5-10% (or that's all I can afford), I think it is rude on the part of the waiter to look down on my generosity as niggardly or to resent me for the implied insult of a "low tip."  Why should I be morally required to give ANY tip at all? 

I am generally polite and respectful towards waiters/waitresses and undemanding of them, and I always thank them.  So I think you cannot justly blame me for rudeness or disrespect, which seems to be your main grievance.  But if you think also think customers are rude who don't give 15% or more as a tip, I think you are the one being a bit arrogant and rude. 

Dear Magdalena:

   Your article - even essay - was quite touching to say the least.  The fundamental issue is that people whether they are waitresses, waiters, taxi drivers, students, teachers , professors, lawyers, clints, medical doctors, patients, technicians, gas station attendants, and so forth should be treated with human dignity and respect that unfortunately is not always the case -in fact, there are numerous cases like your unfortunate experiences that this is not just the case, although you have stated that you have had customers who have been respectful and courteous, even gracious, to you.  When you mention that you your graduate to a better profesion than where you are now, you don't mean money wise, you mean a profession where you can help people) you will always cherish and associate yourself with the working class because you are exactly that : you keep society working and functioning, I would like to take the position that you are helping people.  What I think you are saying is that you believe that you would probably find a position that would be more fulfilling for you in hepping people and give you more satisfaction and dignity.  And yes, the working class does keep society not only working and functioning , but is a vital and equal part to our society as compared to the other classes if one takes a social democratic and anarchistic egalitarian perspective.  As Noam Chomsky stated so well, labor unions in western europe are treated much better than our own labor unions who are now under savage assault by the far right  since they have a social contract with management whereas American management has a very materialisticand predatory, commercial/profit-oriented perspective that is one of unbridled , savage capitalism in which I learned in my graduate Ph. D. penalty  sociology course - "Technocracy and Society" - at the University of the Philippines, Diliman, Quezon City, Metro Manila, that the US is the only country in the world in which technocracy, known more precisely as technopoly, dominates and determines the values and ethics in the American work place.  Perhaps that partially explains not only your experiences but also many others in the corporate and government work sectors, making the American work environment very impersonal and indifferent, particularly in assembly line jobs.  I suppose those that work in the academe are much more insulated from it although I have experienced this dehumanization somewhat in work study positions in the library and university departments, whereas when I was an adjunct ESL lecturer , teaching writing, reading, and grammar skills, to ESL students in remadial courses in the Writing Program at Temple University during the fall semester at Temple University, 1983, it was a totally diffent experience where I worked with the Director , Dr. Ralph Jenkins, my second reader, Ingrid Burns, and other fellow lecturers as a team.  By the way, I did my Masters Degree in ESL at Rutgers - The state university of New Jersey in May, 1982.

   In the Philippines, although we don't don't necessarily give 15% tips to waiters and waitresses, this is offset by appreciating them and relating to them in a personal friendly way to reciprocate their kindness, hepfulness, and graciousness, known more broadly as traditional Filipino hospitality.  It is a mutual caring and sharing relationship that compensates for their low wages that is typical unfortunately in third world countries with their vestiges of semi-feudalism and colonialism, known now as neo-colonialism -reinforced by American imperialism, British imperialism, and other imperialisms, including Korean and chinese imperialisms along with paternalism that is a part of their semi-feudalism..

Dear Magdalena:

   Your article - even essay - was quite touching to say the least.  The fundamental issue is that people whether they are waitresses, waiters, taxi drivers, students, teachers , professors, lawyers, clints, medical doctors, patients, technicians, gas station attendants, and so forth should be treated with human dignity and respect that unfortunately is not always the case -in fact, there are numerous cases like your unfortunate experiences that this is not just the case, although you have stated that you have had customers who have been respectful and courteous, even gracious, to you.  When you mention that you your graduate to a better profesion than where you are now, you don't mean money wise, you mean a profession where you can help people) you will always cherish and associate yourself with the working class because you are exactly that : you keep society working and functioning, I would like to take the position that you are helping people.  What I think you are saying is that you believe that you would probably find a position that would be more fulfilling for you in hepping people and give you more satisfaction and dignity.  And yes, the working class does keep society not only working and functioning , but is a vital and equal part to our society as compared to the other classes if one takes a social democratic and anarchistic egalitarian perspective.  As Noam Chomsky stated so well, labor unions in western europe are treated much better than our own labor unions who are now under savage assault by the far right  since they have a social contract with management whereas American management has a very materialisticand predatory, commercial/profit-oriented perspective that is one of unbridled , savage capitalism in which I learned in my graduate Ph. D. penalty  sociology course - "Technocracy and Society" - at the University of the Philippines, Diliman, Quezon City, Metro Manila, that the US is the only country in the world in which technocracy, known more precisely as technopoly, dominates and determines the values and ethics in the American work place.  Perhaps that partially explains not only your experiences but also many others in the corporate and government work sectors, making the American work environment very impersonal and indifferent, particularly in assembly line jobs.  I suppose those that work in the academe are much more insulated from it although I have experienced this dehumanization somewhat in work study positions in the library and university departments, whereas when I was an adjunct ESL lecturer , teaching writing, reading, and grammar skills, to ESL students in remadial courses in the Writing Program at Temple University during the fall semester at Temple University, 1983, it was a totally diffent experience where I worked with the Director , Dr. Ralph Jenkins, my second reader, Ingrid Burns, and other fellow lecturers as a team.  By the way, I did my Masters Degree in ESL at Rutgers - The state university of New Jersey in May, 1982.

   In the Philippines, although we don't don't necessarily give 15% tips to waiters and waitresses, this is offset by appreciating them and relating to them in a personal friendly way to reciprocate their kindness, hepfulness, and graciousness, known more broadly as traditional Filipino hospitality.  It is a mutual caring and sharing relationship that compensates for their low wages that is typical unfortunately in third world countries with their vestiges of semi-feudalism and colonialism, known now as neo-colonialism -reinforced by American imperialism, British imperialism, and other imperialisms, including Korean and chinese imperialisms along with paternalism that is a part of their semi-feudalism..

Thanks for the post on your experiences as a waitress.  As someone who spent 6 years working in a restaurant, I know exactly what you're referring to.  

However, I wonder if much of the problem has to do with the corporate / chain nature of the restaurants you were serving in (Olive Garden, etc.) -- rather than necessary to the industry itself.  

My experience in a worker-run collective restaurant / bookstore was not devoid of asshole customers, including ostensibly "leftist" ones like you mentioned.  But because we had no manager or owner other than the workers themselves, we were able to take measures against extreme customer disrespect.  First, we had a sign up that said: "Due to a shortage of robots, workers here are human, and may react unpredictably if abused."  That usually had the effect of making customers chuckle, and probably reduced some assholes to at least grumbling silence.

Second, we had collectively-agreed upon limits in terms of what we would tolerate from customers -- and I was happy on more than one occasion to tell abusive and overly disrespectful customers to "get the F out of here, we don't want your business."  You can't really do that in a corporate environment, and expect to keep your job.  

Third, we accounted for workers having bad days or being particularly bad with customers, by allowing them to sometimes shift to other kinds of tasks (away from serving or running to cashier / till).  So we didn't simply give up on customer service, but it certainly wasn't the "altar of sacrifice" that it assumes in most corporate retail service-oriented businesses.

Anyway, thanks again for your thought.  

Paul 
Winnipeg, Canada

I do not agree with your statement.  And, I would add, I have always maintained that a ditch digger deserves the same or more pay than a Doctor.  The digger works far harder than a student with the innate talent and aptitude to be a doctor.  Study is easy in comparison.

...the 'tip-based' remuneration system peculiar to the USA way of life that spawns much of the trouble that bedevils its people. 

The notion of a 'fair's days pay for a fair's day work' for ALL Americans just doesn't get a look-in: neither does universal health care, free education, regulatory control of credit card interest and consumer protection laws, ability to unionise, progressive taxation and a bundle of other right-to-life[?] expectations that many in other countries have fought for and won over the past 100+ years.

To the outside observer the USA presents as a land of extremes whose people seem to have lost their way. The spectrum of human attitudes, activity and values appears loaded at either end but out of all proportion to the numbers: the uber-wealthy at one, small in number but great in purpose and desire to accrue all that the barons and princes of ages past did; and the masses at the other, almighty in number but cowed and beaten, unknowing of their power and unable to harness it to achive even a modest return for themselves. 

The number of replies attest to the fact that your article touched a nerve, Magdalena. Thank you for sharing such a personal journey.

You make some valid observations. As a veteran of more than twenty years of restaurant work - serving, bartending, managing - in shithole breakfast joints to white tablecloth pretense -  I can wholeheartedly say without "reservation" that I've never met more condescending douche nozzles than when I've been in a position of service provider. I've also observed that the biggest chickenshits in the world are the ones who degrade and humiliate you while knowing very well you aren't in a position to retaliate or remind them that their social skills rival that of wet cardboard. These are the same dung bunnies who wouldn't have the balls to challenge you while on a level playing field outside of their positions of pseudo-power, nor would they find it acceptable if you went into their places of employment and extended the same discourtesies toward them in front of their associates.

I've also associated with some of the biggest drug-addled jackoffs, alcoholics and lazy-ass sausagedwarfs employed as servers and bartenders as well. Some of them actually deserved the treatment they received due to the stench of pretension they brought to the proceedings, so they were no better than the degenerate "guests" in my mind.

I do take umbrage, however, with your premise that those in the restaurant industry are little more than prostitutes. When done properly, serving, bartending and managing the lives of others are honorable professions performed with both grace and elegance. I've known many life-long industry workers who taught me the true definition of class and humility, all the while bringing home six-figure incomes and providing quite enviable lifestyles for themselves and their families. I purport that, in theory, regardless of one's academic credentials (or lack of), we all prostitute ourselves for income and existence in one form or another.

My experience also hasn't taught me the myth that hard work always pays of in the end. Sometimes in just comes down to fucking luck and whose ass you are or are not willing to kiss the most.

Although those with no conscience will disagree (in general, not on Znet), I also have found it (when I could manage it) preferable to take the high road when confronted by obnoxious people------to behave in such a way that in retrospect, I will know that my behavior was decent and respectful, that it was the other person who was the jerk. I also agree that it is warranted to take pride in doing those "dirty" jobs that someone must do, and in the knowledge that at least you earned everything you have. In response to other comments, you haven't succumbed to capitalist propaganda unless you also feel that everyone in society has "earned" his or her social/economic "position."

I have a PhD (Don't worry. Repeat the same lie for 400 pages and you can get one too), but the best lesson I ever got was being a paper boy at 14. As a general rule, if people can crap on you they will. Get an education, get a skill or trade, be the best at what you do and you'll never be at the mercy of anyone.

But I agree with the general comments on this thread. Stay strong and help your fellow human beings overcome adversity. And remember how it felt being crapped on the next time you get nasty with someone.

I understand the author wishes to celebrate the working class but because this is ZNet I want to unpack a couple of things which I find troubling.

"Hard work will pay off in the end"  This is an ideological construct capitalists have used to defer the dreams of workers and to recruit them into a meritocratic system, individualistic and destructive.

The same goes with the "strong work ethic" the author promotes. This Puritan holdover is a powerful device for holding workers hostage ideologically. By the way, I write this as a lifelong laborer with no college degree.

I hope the profession the author has chosen (with which to help) includes organizing fellow workers to understand their role within capitalism so they don't just reproduce and perpetuate damaging myths.

Thank you for posting this.

40 yrs ago when I was a bartender, I used to pee in a glass at the beginning of work and then pour a few drops in the drinks of all the A**holes as the night proceeded.  I'd recommend that every bartender and waitress try this.  It's guarnanteed to make you feel much better about waiting on the pricks.  They're so smug as they drink your piss.

Methinks you give too much credit to the 'non-working class' ignoramuses in your last paragrapgh.

We are the backbone of society and without us, you might just have to get your hands dirty.

 In my experience, it would be beyond them - they would just curl up and die!

Best wishes

John Andrews

Hi Magdalena,

   Just wanted to let you know that I really liked your article. It was touching.

Raghav