Edward S. Herman
Obama vs. Romney
Pennies For Your Thoughts
Psychologists Subvert Democracy
Bruce E. Levine
Citizens United and Walker
Cocaine, Power, and Gaza
Taj Mahal and Ry Cooder
No Such Thing As Rape
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There's No Such Thing As Legitimate Rape Because There's No Such Thing As Rape
Welcome to Hotel Satire where gals learn how to be the gals that God intended them to be—that is, not men. We had been enjoying our summer, what with the Olympics and the Republican Convention. (Our husbands didn’t let us watch the Democrats/Communists). Anyhoo, we were startled to see Mrs. Romney give a talk to millions of people in praise of mothers and homemakers and so forth, when she was clearly neglecting her god-given duty to be at home doing all the things she was praising gals for doing. How can we learn to be proper gals if the experts on the topic are behaving improperly? She should have been at home waiting to serve pot roast to her man, as well as hundreds of his campaign workers.
Anyhoo, another shock came with the ridiculous controversy over a remark made by Todd Akin, Republican Senate nominee from
In the process, we learned about forcible rape—the kind favored by most Republicans and Tea Partiers—one that occurs when a virgin or Christian mother or otherwise “innocent” woman, is carried away by a stranger at knife or gunpoint.
This led to revelations about Paul Ryan, the Republican candidate for vice-president. He was a co-sponsor of HR 3, the “No Taxpayer Funding for Abortion Act” as well as the “Sanctity of Life” Act, a federal personhood law which, by declaring a fertilized egg a person, would outlaw all abortions, many forms of contraception, in-vitro fertilization, and many other interventions. Paul, we love you for caring. God bless.
Next, past comments were referenced, as the controversy raged on. In 1988, Republican State Representative for North Carolina, Stephen Freind, said that the odds a woman who was raped would get pregnant were one in millions since rape causes a women to “secrete certain secretions that kill the sperm—assuming it really is rape.” Put Stephen with his sperm expertise on that Science, Space, and Technology Committee, please.
We also heard about the
In 1997, Bush Federal Judge appointee James Leon Holmes wrote in an article, “Concern for rape victims is a red herring because conceptions from rape occur with approximately the same frequency as snowfall in
Next came Idaho Senator Chuck Winder who, earlier this year, alarmed about housewives possible claiming rape in marriage, said, “I would hope that when a married woman goes into a physician with a rape issue, that that physician will indeed ask her...was this pregnancy caused by normal relations in a marriage or was it truly caused by a rape?” As if.
For weeks on end, we heard about no pregnancy rape, bad weather rape, no rape in marriage, forced rape, gray rape—sex that falls between consent and denial—and date rape.
After everything quieted down, we realized how much gals still have to learn about being gals, i.e. not annoying to men. We were ashamed that our men had to spend weeks arguing about what should have been obvious: that gals are vessels for men to do with as they please. Vessels don’t have rights, for chrissakes. Did you gals learn nothing from the Bible? God created MAN in His image and gals from one of MAN’s ribs, thereby granting all MEN the quintessential right to dominion over gals, including their innards.
What do you gals think the story of the virgin Mary and the birth of Baby Jesus is about? God decided to get Mary pregnant. Has anyone ever accused God of rape? No, because it couldn’t have been rape because God is in charge of all wombs and MAN is His earthly penetrator/ womb manager and has access 24/7. The very essence of God includes, through the Holy Spirit or just plain godliness, the ability to determine who gets pregnant, whether by penetration or immaculate conception. Gals get to thank god for the privilege.
Therefore, there can be no debate about legitimate rape or anything other kind. Repeat after me, gals, “there is no such thing as legitimate rape because there is no such thing as rape.” Better learn this lesson. After Mitt and Paul are elected, they will surely ram it home.
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CUBAN 5 - From May 30 to June 5, supporters of the Cuban 5 will gather in Washington DC to raise awareness about the case and to demand a humanitarian solution that will allow the return of these men to their homeland.
Contact: email@example.com; firstname.lastname@example.org.
BIKES - Bikes Not Bombs is holding its 24th annual Bike- A-Thon and Green Roots Festival in Boston, MA on June 3, with several bike rides, music, exhibitors, and more.
Contact: Bikes Not Bombs, 284 Amory St., Jamaica Plain, MA 02130; 617-522-0222; mailbikesnotbombs.org; www.bikesnotbombs.org.
LEFT FORUM - The 2013 Left Forum will be held June 7-9, at Pace University in NYC.
Contact: 365 Fifth Avenue, CUNY Graduate Center, Sociology Dept., New York, NY 10016; http://www.leftforum.org/.
VEGAN FEST - Mad City Vegan Fest will be held in Madison, WI, June 8. The annual event features food, speakers, and exhibitors.
Contact: 122 State Street, Suite 405 B, Madison, WI 53701; email@example.com; http://veganfest.org/.
ADC CONFERENCE - The American-Arab Anti-Discrimination Committee (ADC) holds its annual conference June 13-16 in Washington, DC, with panel discussions and workshops.
Contact: 1990 M Street, Suite 610, Washington, DC, 20036; 202-244-2990; convention @adc. org http://convention.adc.org/.
CUBA/SOCIALISM - A Cuban-North American Dialog on Socialist Renewal and Global Capitalist Crisis will be held in Havana, Cuba, June 16-30. There will be a 5-day Seminar at the University of Havana, plus visits to a co-op and educational and medical institutions.
Contact: firstname.lastname@example.org; http://www.globaljustice center.org/.
NETROOTS - The 8th Annual Netroots Nation conference will take place June 20-23 in San Jose, CA. The event features panels, trainings, networking, screenings, and keynotes.
Contact: 164 Robles Way, #276, Vallejo, CA 94591; email@example.com; http://www.netrootsnation.org/.
MEDIA - The 15th annual Allied Media Conference will be held June 20-23, in Detroit.
Contact: 4126 Third Street, Detroit, MI 48201; http://alliedmedia.org/.
GRASSROOTS - The United We Stand Festival will be hosted by Free & Equal, June 22 in Little Rock, Arkansas. The festival aims to reform the electoral process in the U.S.
LITERACY - The National Association for Media Literacy Education (NAMLE) will hold its conference July 12-13 in Los Angeles.
Contact: 10 Laurel Hill Drive, Cherry Hill, NJ 08003; http://namle.net/conference/.
IWW - The North American Work People’s College will take place July 12-16 at Mesaba Co-op Park in northern Minnesota. The event will bring together Wobblies from across the continent to learn skills and build one big union.
PEACESTOCK - On July 13, the 11th Annual Peacestock will take place at Windbeam Farm in Hager City, WI. The event is a mixture of music, speakers, and community for peace. Sponsored by Veterans for Peace.
Contact: Bill Habedank, 1913 Grandview Ave., Red Wing, MN 55066; 651-388-7733; firstname.lastname@example.org; http://www. peacestockvfp.org.
LA RAZA - The annual National Council of La Raza (NCLR) Conference is scheduled for July 18-19 in New Orleans, with workshops, presentations, and panel discussions.
Contact: NCLR Headquarters Office, Raul Yzaguirre Building, 1126 16th Street, NW, Washington, DC 20036; 202-785-1670; www.nclr.org.
ACTIVIST CAMP - Youth Empowered Action (YEA) Camp will have sessions in July and August in Ben Lomond, CA; Portland, OR; Charlton, MA. YEA Camp is designed for activists 12-17 years old who want to make a difference.
Contact: email@example.com; http://yeacamp.org/.